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REGRET IS NOT YOUR FRIEND

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”Stop and make sure that everything you are doing right now is really what makes you happy. You can’t just live for some goal in the future and have that be everything . . . have that be it. Because that is what some people do. They get on this road and there are all these signs saying, ‘This way. That way.’ But what if you get there, you get exactly what you wanted, like some people do, except all the things that were wrong, are still wrong. Then what?” -Party of Five              

The people development network..

Do you live with regrets?  Are you able to put regret behind you easily?

Regret Is Not Your Friend

There are two sides to regret.

The first side involves regret for actions or events we wish had not happened and we would like to take back. We have all said or done things we regret. We may get upset and say things that damage our relationships or we may do things that cause harm. For example, Tiger Woods may regret his unfaithful conduct in his marriage.

I have done many things over my life that I regret, from investing in a scam to getting involved in a risky business venture to help out a friend. However, my regrets are now infrequent. Why? I took the time to identify the main causes of my actions and rooted them out. I had to learn to take responsibility for my contribution to my own troubles and to make values-based decisions, conducting myself in way that leaves little room for regret.

What about you? Think about the times when you felt regret. Is there a common theme? Do behaviours or habits contribute to your regret? What new thoughts or action steps could reduce your feelings of regret for the things you have said or done?

For the most part, the first type of regret can be tempered by time.

The second side of regret involves regret for actions not taken. This is the sin of omission. We must take this side of regret even more seriously because we cannot alter time to retrieve things that were missed: the job we did not take, the investment we ignored, or the opportunity we let pass by. The list can be long.

When I achieved the milestone birthday of 50 years, I felt a greater sense of urgency about all the things I wanted to do, despite my plan to live to 100+. I knew that it was my time to take action.

With keen awareness that mortality is universal and non-negotiable, I want to encourage every individual reading this article to take a stand:

“Starting today, I will live my life without regret, especially as it pertains to activities I want to experience and outcomes I wish to realize in my life.”

Here are a few areas you might wish to consider avoiding missing out on (and then later regretting):

§ Attending your child’s recital or concer

§ Beginning a regular fitness program

§ Travelling to that place you have been dreaming about for years

§ Taking that course to upgrade your skills—perhaps even getting the degree you have been contemplating

§ Trying a new food

§ Taking time for yourself

§ Quitting a job you hate

§ Calling a friend to share coffee or lunch

§ Attending the presentation or concert of someone (or group) you enjoy

§ Writing the article, poem, or book you’ve had percolating for ages

§ Joining the community group you’ve been thinking about

Unless material goods are directly linked to what you want to do or become, please don’t focus on them here. Yes, you can keep a list of the “things” you want to own, but putting a new painting on your wall may not be as meaningful as taking a vacation and having quality time with your family.

When have you said, “If only I had…?” Think about it for a moment. What do you wish you had done or become? What are you going to do about it? At this point, remorse won’t get you where you want to go; forward action will. Forget your excuses and make a decision to live your life without regret.

A research study conducted on individuals over 70 years of age asked participants these questions:

“If you could live your life over again, what would you do differently? What do you regret?”

The responses showed the following results:

§ They would take more time for themselves.

§ How many times have we met people who dedicated their whole life to others, at the expense of their own needs and goals?

§ They would take more risks.

§ This is the “if only” part of regret. “If only I had bought the property, taken that job, said ‘no’ to…” and on the story goes.

§ They would dedicate themselves to a cause or purpose that would last beyond their lifetime.

§ What’s your legacy? What will you be remembered for? Will you even be remembered at all?

A life lived without regret is living on purpose and making a difference, whatever the context. How do you rank yourself on a scale of 1 to 10? [1 = Poor (plenty of regret); 10 = Excellent (little or no regret)]

Let’s all strive to be as close to 10 as we can in all areas of our lives! Start now. No regrets, please!

ACTION STEPS:

1. List events in the past that have caused you to experience the most regret.
Is there a common theme or set of situations where regret is recurring for you? What do you think the root cause(s) might be? What can you do to reduce your regret?

2. Think about all the things you regret not
What are your reasons for not taking action—lack of courage, not feeling worthy, compromising your values for others, etc.?

3. Make a list of things you can start doing immediately to reduce your regrets.
Don’t make excuses for what you can’t do. Focus on what you can and will

4. Make a commitment to follow your list of actions.

5. Move on with confidence.

6. Confirm your passions and connect with your purpose to reduce your regrets.

7. Read my newest book, The Quest For Purpose. It will take you on a personal journey of discovery to help you confirm and affirm your passions in life.

8. Benchmark your gifts, talents, and passions by using CRG’s assessments.
Your results will assist you to establish your beliefs with confidence, and increase your passion in all areas of your life.

Remember, our mortality is guaranteed. To those of you who are still procrastinating, I suggest you get started with your no-regrets philosophy this very moment. When you have no regrets, then you are truly living On Purpose!

 

 

Gray Lawrence

“Recognize that you have the ability to change your perception, thus your health. The mind-body connection exists in all of us.”                                  – Cheryln Cluse-Howard

 

 

The Power of Negative Thinking

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"How do I stop my negative thoughts?" – is a question that I have been asked many times. If you have ever asked this question then you will feel such enormous relief in knowing the answer, because it is so simple. How do you stop negative thoughts? You plant good thoughts!

When you try to stop negative thoughts, you are focusing on what you don’t want – negative thoughts – and you will attract an abundance of them. They can never disappear if you are focused on them. The "stop" part is irrelevant – the negative thoughts are your focus. It doesn’t matter if you are trying to stop negative thoughts or control them or push them away, the result is the same. Your focus is on negative thoughts, and by the law of attraction you are inviting more of them to you.

The truth is always simple and it is always easy. To stop negative thoughts, just plant good thoughts! Deliberately plant good thoughts! You plant good thoughts by making it a daily practice to appreciate all the things in your day. Appreciate your health, your car, your home, your family, your job, your friends, your surroundings, your meals, your pets, and the magnificent beauty of the day. Compliment, praise, and give thanks to all things. Every time you say "Thank you" it is a good thought! As you plant more and better thoughts, the negative thoughts will be wiped out. Why? Because your focus is on good thoughts, and what you focus on you attract.

So don’t give any attention to negative thoughts. Don’t worry about them. If any come, make light of them, shrug them off, and let them be your reminder to deliberately think more good thoughts now.

The more good thoughts you can plant in a day, the faster your life will be utterly transformed into all good. If you spend only one day speaking of good things and saying "Thank you" at every single opportunity, you will not believe your tomorrow. Deliberately thinking good thoughts is exactly like planting seeds. As you think good thoughts you are planting good seeds inside you, and the Universe will transform those seeds into a garden of paradise. How will the garden of paradise appear? As your life!                    May the joy be with you,   Rhonda Byrne
The Secret and The Power…
bringing joy to billions

 

 

The Power of Negative Thinking       

By Tim Jarvis  O, The Oprah Magazine | From the March 2009 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Cheer up. Be happy. Find the silver lining. Smile.
If you didn’t know any better, you might say we’re a country that preaches optimism. But some 30 to 35 percent of Americans employ a calculated form of negative thinking—called defensive pessimism—that can lead to very positive results, according to Julie K. Norem, PhD, a professor of psychology at Wellesley College.

We’re not talking about a general disposition to see the glass half-empty: "Defensive pessimism is a strategy used in specific situations to manage anxiety, fear, and worry," says Norem, who has conducted seminal research on the subject. "Defensive pessimists," she says, "prepare for a situation by setting low expectations for themselves, then follow up with a very detailed assessment of everything that may go wrong." Once they’ve imagined the full range of bad outcomes, they start figuring out how they’ll handle them, and that gives them a sense of control.

"What’s intriguing about defensive pessimists," adds Lawrence Sanna, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, who has also studied the phenomenon, "is that they tend to be very successful people, and so their low opinion of the outcome isn’t realistic; they use it to motivate themselves to perform better." For example, an executive is getting ready to pitch a project, and she thinks beforehand, "The client is going to be really difficult; he’s not going to like my proposal. I have to make sure I explain things very clearly." "She uses defensive pessimism as a tool to work through all the possibilities so she’s prepared for everything, even failure," Sanna says. "And if she does fail, she’s ready for it, so it’s not so catastrophic."

If all this sounds familiar (take the quiz to see if you use defensive pessimism), a piece of advice from the experts may give you a lift: Don’t listen to appeals from friends or family to look on the bright side. "Research shows that if you pressure defensive pessimists into being optimistic, or try to manipulate their mood, their performance deteriorates," says Andrew J. Elliot, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. One of the most frequent comments Norem got after publishing The Positive Power of Negative Thinking in 2001 was "Thank you. I can finally tell my mother to shut up."

“Always look for the positive. Don’t let anything stop you or get in the way of your goals and dreams.” – Sage Donnelly

Gray Lawrence

Our highest power is love, and it is one thing each of us has an unlimited amount of. How much love do you give to others in one day? Each day we have an opportunity to set out with this great, unlimited power in our possession, and pour it over every person and circumstance. Love is appreciating, complimenting, feeling gratitude, and speaking good words to others. We have so much love to give and the more that we give, the more we receive. May the joy be with you, – Rhonda Byrne

 

Be Inspired by Lynn Scheurell

 

PMA Added only..

“The goal is not to be better than anyone else but rather be better than you were yesterday.” – Jon Gordon

  Lynn Scheurell 

If I could share 500 words to inspire, this is the important wisdom I’d want to pass along to others…

The things I know for sure at this point are deceptively simple in mere words, but they are as follows:

  1. As you evolve, your world evolves – it all starts with your own development. Grow with every challenge to give you the opportunity for transformative healing. Align with what feels right; your spirit knows more than your conscious mind. Trust and let it grow you to match the infinite consciousness of your being.
  2. You are creating your reality; own what you’ve created so far to give yourself the permission and the power to create your new future. Be conscious in every aspect of living including your discoveries and your commitments. When you are present, there is no such thing as default outcomes. Know that where you are now is not a predictor of where you will be – it’s just where you are right now.
  3. Follow your own wisdom and know what you know – take action accordingly. It might fly in the face of external circumstances, situations, relationships… but the shortest path is to follow your own counsel or you risk disempowering your most positive source of strength and wisdom – yourself. No one else can know what is true for you…and you’re the one who has to live with the results.
  4. Friends and family cannot support you. Their job is to love you, which means to protect you from risk, give you their prescription for success (not yours), and keep you the same as they know you. Give yourself the gift of a community of like-spirited people to help you be your biggest, boldest self.
  5. Forgive yourself. You have done, and are doing, your best with what you know at any given moment. If you knew better, you’d do better – and that goes for the people around you too. Release the need for perfection, judgment and learning through pain and punishment. Remember that dark cannot exist where there is light… focus on your guiding light.
  6. Everything happens for a reason – there’s a bigger picture that has a lot of moving parts, karmic agreements with people and a big life purpose that only you can fulfill. Every experience is moving you to where you need to be… and you’re always right on schedule.
  7. Whatever is right and yours will wait for you to claim it. Your possibilities are exponential, but might not be visible to you in the moment as Source puts them together to deliver to you your desires. Stay out of resistance to what ‘is’ and accept what comes to you as the opportunity it is and/or will lead to…consider such things as both an invitation to step up and a benchmark to celebrate your growth.

You CAN live the life of your dreams… I am living proof and in gratitude every day for my being in the opportunity to do my sacred purpose with the amazing people who come into my world.

 

Gray Lawrence

"You may avoid suffering and sorrow if you don’t risk, but you simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live. The greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person, who risks nothing, does nothing and has nothing. Only a person who risks is free." Bob Proctor

REGRET IS NOT YOUR FRIEND

Optimism

We can learn from our leaders of the past. Thomas Edison’s great optimism gives us a quintessential example of welcoming disaster. On a December night in 1914, fire broke out in the film room of Thomas Edison’s laboratory. As his assets were going up in smoke, it would seem that this sixty-seven-year-old man’s spirit would certainly be crushed. Instead he saw the fire and shouted to his son, “Where’s Mom? Go get her! Tell her to get her friends! They’ll never see a fire like this again!” Later, he said,

“You can always make capital out of disaster.
We’ve just cleared out a bunch of old rubbish.
We’ll build bigger and better on the ruins.”

Thomas Edison could not control the circumstances. Rather than being heartbroken to see his life’s work go up in flames, he chose to welcome the opportunity to start over. Edison, known for his overwhelming optimism, is an inspiration for us today.

Do you live with regrets?  Are you able to put regret behind you easily?

Regret Is Not Your Friend

There are two sides to regret.

The first side involves regret for actions or events we wish had not happened and we would like to take back. We have all said or done things we regret. We may get upset and say things that damage our relationships or we may do things that cause harm. For example, Tiger Woods may regret his unfaithful conduct in his marriage.

I have done many things over my life that I regret, from investing in a scam to getting involved in a risky business venture to help out a friend. However, my regrets are now infrequent. Why? I took the time to identify the main causes of my actions and rooted them out. I had to learn to take responsibility for my contribution to my own troubles and to make values-based decisions, conducting myself in way that leaves little room for regret.

What about you? Think about the times when you felt regret. Is there a common theme? Do behaviours or habits contribute to your regret? What new thoughts or action steps could reduce your feelings of regret for the things you have said or done?

For the most part, the first type of regret can be tempered by time.

The second side of regret involves regret for actions not taken. This is the sin of omission. We must take this side of regret even more seriously because we cannot alter time to retrieve things that were missed: the job we did not take, the investment we ignored, or the opportunity we let pass by. The list can be long.

When I achieved the milestone birthday of 50 years, I felt a greater sense of urgency about all the things I wanted to do, despite my plan to live to 100+. I knew that it was my time to take action.

With keen awareness that mortality is universal and non-negotiable, I want to encourage every individual reading this article to take a stand:

“Starting today, I will live my life without regret, especially as it pertains to activities I want to experience and outcomes I wish to realize in my life.”

Here are a few areas you might wish to consider avoiding missing out on (and then later regretting):

§ Attending your child’s recital or concert

§ Beginning a regular fitness program

§ Travelling to that place you have been dreaming about for years

§ Taking that course to upgrade your skills—perhaps even getting the degree you have been contemplating

§ Trying a new food

§ Taking time for yourself

§ Quitting a job you hate

§ Calling a friend to share coffee or lunch

§ Attending the presentation or concert of someone (or group) you enjoy

§ Writing the article, poem, or book you’ve had percolating for ages

§ Joining the community group you’ve been thinking about

Unless material goods are directly linked to what you want to do or become, please don’t focus on them here. Yes, you can keep a list of the “things” you want to own, but putting a new painting on your wall may not be as meaningful as taking a vacation and having quality time with your family.

When have you said, “If only I had…?” Think about it for a moment. What do you wish you had done or become? What are you going to do about it? At this point, remorse won’t get you where you want to go; forward action will. Forget your excuses and make a decision to live your life without regret.

A research study conducted on individuals over 70 years of age asked participants these questions:

“If you could live your life over again, what would you do differently? What do you regret?”

The responses showed the following results:

§ They would take more time for themselves.

§ How many times have we met people who dedicated their whole life to others, at the expense of their own needs and goals?

§ They would take more risks.

§ This is the “if only” part of regret. “If only I had bought the property, taken that job, said ‘no’ to…” and on the story goes.

§ They would dedicate themselves to a cause or purpose that would last beyond their lifetime.

§ What’s your legacy? What will you be remembered for? Will you even be remembered at all?

A life lived without regret is living on purpose and making a difference, whatever the context. How do you rank yourself on a scale of 1 to 10? [1 = Poor (plenty of regret); 10 = Excellent (little or no regret)]

Let’s all strive to be as close to 10 as we can in all areas of our lives! Start now. No regrets, please!

ACTION STEPS:

1. List events in the past that have caused you to experience the most regret.
Is there a common theme or set of situations where regret is recurring for you? What do you think the root cause(s) might be? What can you do to reduce your regret?

2. Think about all the things you regret not
What are your reasons for not taking action—lack of courage, not feeling worthy, compromising your values for others, etc.?

3. Make a list of things you can start doing immediately to reduce your regrets.
Don’t make excuses for what you can’t do. Focus on what you can and will

4. Make a commitment to follow your list of actions.

5. Move on with confidence.

6. Confirm your passions and connect with your purpose to reduce your regrets.

7. Read my newest book, The Quest For Purpose. It will take you on a personal journey of discovery to help you confirm and affirm your passions in life.

8. Benchmark your gifts, talents, and passions by using CRG’s assessments.
Your results will assist you to establish your beliefs with confidence, and increase your passion in all areas of your life.

Remember, our mortality is guaranteed. To those of you who are still procrastinating, I suggest you get started with your no-regrets philosophy this very moment. When you have no regrets, then you are truly living On Purpose!

Gray Lawrence

“The point is not to live without any regrets it is to not hate ourselves for having them..” Gray Lawrence

Allowing Takes Faith and Trust

The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way. Robert Kiyosaki

Allowing takes faith, patience and trust—three things that are essential for your own peace of mind and well-being, but often are not things we focus on, learn about or are encouraged to practice in our intense, fast-paced, results-oriented culture. Allowing is truly an art and is something that often goes against the grain and runs contrary to societal norms and pressures. It has to do with remembering, as the well-known saying goes, "We’re human beings, not human doings."
Here are a few things to think about and practice as you enhance your capacity and ability to allow with more ease in your life.

  • Ask yourself how you relate to the concept of allowing. Take some inventory of your own relationship with this idea. How do you feel about it? How comfortable are you allowing things and people to be as they are, as well as allowing things to manifest with ease in your life? This is something you may understand, but may not practice. Tell yourself the truth about how you relate to allowing, and notice how this impacts your life one way or another.
  • Pay attention to what you focus on in regard to your biggest goals and aspirations. In terms of the biggest goals, dreams and aspirations in your life right now, how much of your attention and energy are focused on doing, and how much are focused on allowing? While both doing and allowing are important, most people put a disproportionate amount of attention on action. Increasing your focus on allowing and ultimately receiving can be a magical, relaxing and incredibly effective way for you to relate to your goals and dreams. This is often one of the big missing pieces in your desire not only for success, but—more important—for fulfilment.
  • Create an allowing practice. This is a simple practice you can do daily (like prayer, meditation, quiet reflection or affirmation) when you put your attention and awareness on allowing: accepting things as they are; trusting things are working out as they are meant to; believing the feelings, experiences, accomplishments and outcomes you desire are on their way; and allowing yourself to receive these gifts and blessings with ease and gratitude. You may need to reach out to others for support, guidance and feedback about creating or deepening an allowing practice that will work for you, but doing this is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself (as well as those around you).

Have fun with this and have compassion for yourself as well. Allowing is a lot easier to think about or talk about than it actually is to practice and embody in your life. The more attention you put on it, however, the easier it gets. And as you deepen your ability and your capacity to allow, your whole life can transform with ease, grace and gratitude!
Mike Robbins is a best-selling author, sought-after motivational keynote speaker and personal growth expert who works with people and groups of all kinds. Robbins is the author of the best-selling books Focus on the Good Stuff and Be Yourself: Everyone Else Is Already Taken. He and his work have been featured on ABC News and in Forbes, Ladies Home Journal, Self and many other publications

"Just like you are in charge of your thoughts and emotions, you are in charge of your visual field and imagination. Use it to help create positive thoughts and send positive vibrations to the universe." Frank Mangano

Gray Lawrence

Be aware of the big difference between inspired action and activity. Activity comes from the brain-mind and is rooted in disbelief and lack of faith – you are taking action to "make" your desire happen. Inspired action is allowing the law to work through you and to move you. Activity feels hard. Inspired action feels wonderful. May the joy be with you, Rhonda Byrne

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Gray Lawrence

grayjl63@gmail.com

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