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2 Toxic Attitudes that Push Happiness Away From You

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Be honest above all else – This above all, to thine own self be true; and it must follow, as the night and day, thou canst not then be false to any man. William Shakespeare Hamlet

 

Mark & Angela Hack

WRITTEN by MARC CHERNOFF

12 Toxic Attitudes that Push Happiness Away From You

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.  It is what you think about it.”
― Dale Carnegie

“A 14-year-old patient of mine will be undergoing her 10th surgery in the past two years to combat a rare form of cancer.  Even after all the surgeries, I’ve never seen her frown.  She’s still 100% certain she’ll survive.  And I’m certain her attitude is the primary reason she has survived to this point.  She laughs and plays with her friends and family every day.  And her positive attitude has made her dozens of new friends at the hospital.  A kid like her who can go through everything she’s been through and come out smiling makes me realize how sour my attitude often is for no good reason at all.”

That’s an excerpt from an email I received this morning from one of our readers.  And, coincidentally, just as I finished responding to it, a new email from a course student popped up in my inbox that opened with an extremely similar theme:

“Today I realized that my best friend, who lost her mom last year to cancer, has a happier, more optimistic and thankful attitude about life than I do…”

In our line of work, Angel and I hear from dozens of readers, coaching clients and students enrolled in our Getting Back to Happy course every day.  Through this experience, we often see the same exact toxic attitudes tearing otherwise healthy individuals apart.  And we’ve witnessed, first hand, the devastation this toxicity causes to their personal and professional growth, and to their relationships.

Let’s be honest, though, we’ve all acted in toxic, damaging ways at one time or another.  None of us are immune to occasional toxic mood swings.  But that doesn’t mean we have to succumb to them.  Whether your toxic attitude is a common occurrence or just a sporadic phenomena, it’s critical for your long-term happiness and success that you are able to recognize when you’re thinking and acting poorly, and consciously shift your mind-set.

Here are 12 of the most common toxic attitudes we see plaguing people, and some tips to get you back on track:

1.  “I don’t have enough to be happy.”

Instead of thanking the heavens for two strong legs and a body that’s capable of running and jumping and dancing, lots of people complain about their weight and appearance.

Instead of appreciating that they live in a country that protects their basic human rights and civil liberties, lots of people complain about laws, taxes and politicians.

Instead of being grateful for the roof they have over their heads, lots of people wish they had a larger house and a fancier car.

Don’t be one of these people.  You may not have it all, but you have a lot.

To witness miracles in your daily life, count your blessings and be thankful for what you DO have.  There are others who aren’t so lucky.

2.  “Happiness should be handed to me on a silver platter.”

Pursuing happiness is not at all the same as being happy, which is a fleeting feeling dependent on momentary circumstances.  If the sun is shining, by all means bask in it.  Happy times are great and often fun-filled, but happy times pass, because time passes.  This is something we often resist, which results in us alienating ourselves and everyone around us.

In other words, we expect to be happy 24/7, and we expect happiness to be delivered to us on a silver platter.  We anticipate an easy life where instant gratification is the norm.  And this leads to disappointment and toxic mood swings.

The truth is that the lifelong pursuit of happiness is elusive; it’s not based on quick thrills and instantaneous fulfillment.  It’s a ‘pursuit.’  And what you are pursuing is meaning – living a meaningful life.  It starts with your “why.”  (Why are you doing what you’re doing every day?)  When your ‘why’ is meaningful, you are pursuing happiness.

There will be times when things go so wrong that you barely feel alive.  And there will also be times when you realize that being barely alive, on your own terms, is better than living a lifeless existence for 80 years on someone else’s terms.  The pursuit isn’t all or nothing; it’s all AND nothing, with ups and downs and worthwhile lessons along the way.

3.  “Every step I take needs to make logical sense (to everyone).”

If we listened to our logic 24/7 we’d never have truly passionate, romantic relationships.  We’d never have life-long, long-distance friendships.  We’d never go in business because we’d be cynical.  We’d forever be stuck thinking: “I’m going to fail.”  Or “he’s going to hurt me.”  Or, “I’ve had a couple of bad love affairs, so therefore…”  Well that’s nonsense!  You’re going to miss life if you think this way.

If you wait around until everything makes perfect logical sense to you and everyone around you, and you feel 100% safe and ready, you will be waiting the rest of your life.

Sometimes you just have to take a chance!

Sometimes you just have to get up and go for it!

Sometimes you just have to jump off a cliff and build your wings on the way down!

4.  “I’m not good enough.”

When you catch yourself in a cycle of self-hate, you must remind yourself that you weren’t born feeling this way.  That at some point in the past some person or experience sent you the message that something is wrong with you, and you internalized this lie and accepted it as your truth.  But that lie isn’t yours to carry, and those judgments aren’t about you.  And in the same way that you learned to think negatively of yourself, you can learn to think new, positive and self-loving thoughts.

You can learn to challenge those false beliefs, strip away their power, and reclaim your self-respect.  It won’t be easy, and it won’t transpire overnight.  But it is possible.  And it begins when you decide that there has to be a better way to live, and that you deserve to discover it.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

5.  “Everyone must like me!”

People who constantly strive for validation by others are exhausting to be around.  Those men and women who get caught up in the need to prove their worth over and over and over, and constantly want to win over everyone around them, are unintentionally toxic and draining.  Know this.  Over-attaching to how things have to look to others can wear you out and bring everyone else around you down.

There is a bigger picture to your life, and it’s not about what you achieve in the eyes of the masses.  It’s about the journey, the process, the path – what you’re learning, how you’re helping others learn too, and the growing process you allow yourself to participate in.

6.  “I’ve seen and heard it all before.”

No matter how much you know, there’s a whole lot you don’t know.  Period.

In almost every situation, a little more willingness to acknowledge that there may be something you do not know could change everything.  Go somewhere new, and countless opportunities suddenly appear.  Do something differently, and all sorts of great new possibilities spring up.

Keep an open mind.  Always.

It’s what we learn, after we “know it all,” that really counts in the end.

7.  “I need to be in control (of everything and everyone).”

Imagine that you’re driving in your car and you get stuck in rush hour traffic.  The traffic situation is out of your control and simply requires your patience.  However, this doesn’t stop you from switching lanes, trying to cut in front of other cars, or even leaving the road you’re on to try alternate routes – all desperate efforts to gain control.  Sadly, these efforts just lead to further stress and unhappiness when they are unsuccessful and control is again obstructed.  And when you finally get home, you take your stress out on the people you love the most.

Embrace the fact that some parts of your life are simply meant to be lived, not controlled.  No matter what happens, no matter the outcome, you’re going to be just fine.  Let the things you can’t control, GO!

Spend your thoughts and efforts on controlling what you do have power over, rather than wasting your peace of mind on the uncontrollable.  (Read The Untethered Soul.)

8.  “I’ve been hurt too badly to ever heal and move forward with my life.”

Hoarding pain and loss only makes the pain and loss last longer.  And this just tears the rest of your life and relationships apart.

One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go – whether it’s guilt, anger, love or loss.  Change is never easy – you fight to hold on and you fight to let go.  But oftentimes letting go is the healthiest path forward.  It clears out toxic thoughts from the past.  You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you.

Again, it takes hard work to let go and refocus your thoughts, but it’s worth every bit of effort you can muster.  It’s time to be bold.  It’s time to stop reading the previous chapter of your life and start writing the one you’re currently living.  Learn from your old mistakes and march confidently on.  Sure you’ll make new mistakes along the way, but that’s the whole point – you want to learn from new mistakes, not rot alongside old ones.

Living means taking chances that are worth taking and making mistakes that are worth making.  Right now is simply a new chance to get it right, but you have to let go and take this chance.

9.  “This (and everything) is personal!”

People are toxic to themselves and others when they believe that everything happening around them is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them.

Of course, it’s easy to feel unloved and unwanted when people aren’t able to communicate and connect with you in the way you expect.  And it’s so hard not to internalize that disconnection as a reflection on your worth.  But the truth is, the way other people behave and function is not about you.

Most people are so caught up in their own problems, responsibilities and struggles that the thought of asking you how you’re doing doesn’t even cross their mind.  They aren’t being mean or uncaring – they’re just busy and a bit self-centred at times.  And that’s OK.  Don’t attack them for it.  It’s not evidence of some fundamental flaw on your part.  It doesn’t make you unlovable or unworthy.  It just means that some people aren’t very good at looking beyond their own egocentric bubble.  But the fact that you are – that despite the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others – is an incredible strength.  (Read The Mastery of Love.)

10.  “I’m just too busy right now for family and friends.”

Neglect based on lack of attention often damages relationships far more than malicious abuse.

Although it’s perhaps conceivable that you may lie on your deathbed someday regretting that you didn’t work harder and check every little thing off your to-do list, it’s doubtful that your work will be your biggest concern.  What’s more likely, however, is that you will wish you could have one more romantic night with your spouse, another long, heartfelt talk with your sister, and one last good hard laugh with your best friend.

Life is simply too short to be too busy for the people you love.

11.  “What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”

It’s NOT OK to stretch the truth.  Ever!  It really isn’t!  Doing so only leads to stress in the long run.

In fact, it’s disheartening to think how many people are shocked by honesty, and how few by deceit.  Don’t be one of them.  Uphold the truth, always.  Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often, and you should be the one shocking them with honest words and deeds every day.

The bottom line here is that an honest, loving heart is the beginning of everything that is right with this world.  It’s what brings us together and keeps us together through thick and thin.

12.  “I’m better than them (and everyone else for that matter).”

And finally, through it all, you have to keep your pride in check…

To admit you made a mistake.  To say you are sorry.  To know that you can’t possibly know it all.  To have big dreams. To admit you owe your success to others too.  To poke fun at yourself from time to time.  To ask for help when you need it.

To make mistakes and fail.  And to try again, willingly.

There are no permanent jobs or absolutes on this planet.  We are all just interning and exploring here.  Learn from everyone, remain humble, and don’t forget to have a good time along the way.

That’s what happy, successful people do.

Your turn…

If you can see any of these toxic attitudes in yourself, remember, you are not alone.  We all have negativity buried deep within us that has the potential to sneak up on us sometimes.  The key, of course, is awareness – recognizing these toxic attitudes when they arise and stopping them in their tracks.

So, what toxic attitudes do you sometimes struggle with?  How have these attitudes affected your personal and professional contentment?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights with us.

 

Your life is a learning process – you can only become wiser from learning. Sometimes you might have to attract making a painful mistake to learn something important, but after the mistake you have far greater wisdom. Wisdom cannot be bought with money – it can only be acquired through living life. With wisdom comes: strength, courage, knowing, and an ever-increasing peace. May the joy be with you, Rhonda Byrne

Success doesn’t come to you – you go to it. — Marva Collins

Gray Lawrence

 

He who loses wealth loses much; he who loses a friend loses more; but he that loses his courage loses all. – Miguel de Cervantes

Be Positive Inspired and motivate YOU!

 

Life is the sum of all our choices – Albert Camus

 

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Gray Lawrence

Independent Distributor for Utility Warehouse

He who loses wealth loses much; he who loses a friend loses more; but he that loses his or her courage loses all.

Miguel de Cervantes

Be Inspired by Colette Baron-Reid

PMA Added.

From The Secret Daily Teachings

Never let a day pass without looking for the good, feeling the good within you, praising, appreciating, blessing, and being grateful. Make it your life commitment, and you will stand in utter awe of what happens in your life. May the joy be with you,
Rhonda Byrne

 

Inspired Quote of the Day™

Anyone can change the world with the willingness to surrender to a Higher Power, to shift their perception, to become accountable and to take a leap of faith regardless of outer conditions. ~ Colette Baron-Reid


Today’s Brilliance™

Colette Baron-Reid

Colette is an internationally respected intuitive counsellor and life strategist, coach, speaker, broadcast personality and bestselling author.

If I could share 500 words of wisdom to summarize what I’ve learned so far in life, these are the important things I’d want to pass along to others…

When people ask what I’ve learned from the experiences in my life I have to smile. What always comes to my mind is faith, accountability, courage, forgiveness and compassion.

I have learned perception is everything, And, most of all participating in your own rescue is not an option. It’s a necessity.

My life has been an amazing adventure from the very beginning. Some may hear my story and say, "How did she survive"? I have gone from the highs and lows of a childhood where I had no idea that my sense of always being different, feeling and seeing so many things beyond my understanding would ever make sense, to an eating disorder, to alcohol abuse, to rape, violence and drug addiction. While any one of these experiences can be defined as horrible, collectively, it’s my life. They all led me to the person I am today, and enabled me the gift of insight and deep compassion for others who suffer.

All of those painful devastating things led to an extraordinary spiritual awakening and the deep integrated recovery that is a reflection of who I am today. I could tell my story as a victim or I could tell it as an adventure where I was the heroine that found the magic of meaning in all stories. Both would be true.

And there are other stories within the stories! There have been more that shape the person I am; writing and singing music, creating bestselling books, meeting the man of my dreams, and countless others. So what do they all mean? Whatever I decide they mean.

I tell them all the same thing. Perception is paramount. I’ve learned to define what the experience could mean to me, only when I allow myself to see through Spirit’s eyes and then the choices really begin.

I’ve learned that in order to thrive in life you MUST participate in your own rescue. This means being willing to take ownership of your role and actions in the experience. Make the choice to:

  • Love yourself enough to ask for help.
  • Love yourself enough to say no when it is necessary.
  • Love yourself enough to receive the help with an open heart. Your self worth depends on it! Participating in your own rescue also means that you are willing to be brave enough to do whatever it takes to turn yourself around.

Throughout my life I’ve had what some would deem as insurmountable events show up. I had many opportunities to give up. Surrender. Allow life to happen "to me". But, I discovered along my journey that these events shape me and give me the tools I need to help others with their journey. My ideal is to use my experiences as an example to others of what can happen when you make a choice to define the experience as opposed to allowing the experience to happen to you.

This line of thinking and feeling has brought me to deep levels of self worth. When I can guide someone out of the dark to a beautiful new landscape, my heart is filled with love for all that I have learned. Paying forward is my ultimate reward!

When you CHOOSE your perception, participate in your own rescue, and love yourself enough to allow the experience to educate you, you will grow by leaps and bounds!

There is no paycheck that can equal the feeling of contentment that comes from being the person you are meant to be.         Oprah Winfrey

 

Your Vision of the future lies from within

Gray Lawrence

 Utility Warehouse Distributor

“The Power of Listening is available to us all, only those who listen will gain great benefits in life, love personal & financial wealth. The decision is yours”   Gray Lawrence

Attitude and The Power of One

“Reclaim your personal power – nothing can stop you but you.” – Lesley Rodgers

“Success lies just one inch beyond your perceived limits. Every day you have a choice whether or not to take that inch and transform success from uncertainty to inevitability.”         – Akshay Nanavati

Success mean...  Zig Ziglar

An area of importance to us all, should we decide to be better

Getting the best from yourself and others all starts with one: one thought … one word … one action.
“One” is the first note in orchestrating the personal attitude that shapes and directs your life – and impacts the members of your team. Contrary to the lyrics from a classic rock song, one is not the loneliest number. It’s the most important one!
Your thoughts, words, and actions are like individual notes that work in concert to create the power of one person – YOU – to make a difference. You can harness your “power of one” if you simply:

  • Catch one negative thought and turn it into a positive one;
  • Think of one thing for which you are grateful at the beginning of each day;
  • Say one “Fantastic!” when a friend or team member asks how you are doing;
  • Assume the best in one upcoming situation;
  • Keep on moving one more time when you experience adversity;
  • Help one friend or colleague in a time of need – and take pride in it.

Many people used to feel that one vote in an election couldn’t really make a difference. Well, recent political elections that have been decided by razor thin margins have proven them wrong.   A single act can make a difference … it can create a ripple effect felt many miles and people away. So, ask yourself: What’s one thing I can do today that will make a positive difference in my attitude? Then DO IT!


Repeat that process every day and your life will improve – and so will the lives of the people you lead. Attitudes are truly powerful … and they’re contagious!

Be nice to people on your way up. You might need them on the way down. — Jimmy Durante

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The Yellow Brick Road “IS” Paved with Gold, all you have to do  is open the right door in your mind and take the first step”.  

Gray  Lawrence

Success doesn’t come to you – you go to it. — Marva Collins

Gray Lawrence

Utility Warehouse distributor

He who loses wealth loses much; he who loses a friend loses more; but he that loses his courage loses all. – Miguel de Cervantes

 

Your Key to Success and Leadership Development

Success doesn’t come to you – you go to it. — Marva Collins

Your Key to Success & Leadership Development

You have to make mistakes to find out who you aren’t. You take the action, and the insight follows: You don’t think your way into becoming yourself.” —  Anne Lamott

10 things to do and be effective

An advantage we all have is the ability to control what we do each day. We can improve our productivity, or not! You decide.  In too many cases, we are the only ones who know when we are falling short of our best level of performance. It’s no surprise that many managers have no idea  regarding the difference between mediocrity and excellence.

clip_image001Effective people have the Key to the secret of success, which is to “Take Action”  Like many of the top performers!    You must keep your driving the pace until  you take flight.

Here are 10 things that effective people do

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  • Starting early. Sam Walton arrived to work at 3 am. Perhaps a little early for many of us, but we need to get an early start. “The early Bird” 
  • Accepting good and bad news as part of moving on!  As you progress up the ladder, you will be in the line of fire, so remember who you pass on the way up!  Because what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.
  • Having a long term perspective. Never thinking about short term gains, thus focusing on building a strong successful foundation success.
  • Avoiding the petty and uninteresting information.  It is counterproductive to spread rumours, be disrespectful or talk bad about colleagues and never criticizing management. Its much better to focus on the task ahead and the results it will bring.
  • Always be professional. Do not lose control. You want others to describe you as a “professional person.” This is the compliment we all strive for thus reaching an important milestone.
  • Focusing on the key areas that bring the results you are aiming for!  At the next meeting, observe and study the leaders of your organization and how they focus on what the important issues are. They have the ability to identify the problems as the professionals they are.
  • Treating others with respect, we are not better, but we have a different look on matters and may have accomplished more in certain areas, we must always appreciate what others bring to the table.
  • Be humble, we do not know everything. We must be open to working in teams.  When we put our minds together, we can tackle enormous projects, which lead to huge benefits for the organization.
  • Confront problems!  Address immediately. Those who are excellent performers are aware of small problems and prevent them from escalating. Taking a proactive approach is preferred.
  • Be committed to sharing the wealth and knowledge. Rewarding those who do well, as we are not solely responsible for the huge accomplishments. Be humble, and praise others publicly and privately when they contribute to our goals and initiatives.
  • Successful people are extraordinary in the sense that they understand the importance of knowledge, commitment, and humility. The process to greatness is well established but realizing it requires significant effort.

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Developing good habits takes time, more work and effort than most are willing to commit. But for the top 10%, this commitment is unwavering. 

“Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit.  You are what you repeatedly do!!” ~ Shaquille O’Neal

He who loses wealth loses much; he who loses a friend loses more; but he that loses his courage loses all. – Miguel de Cervantes

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Eleanor Roosevelt

Gray Lawrence

Utility Warehouse Distributor

The greatest freedom is to be responsible. – Lazaris

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Gray Lawrence

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