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Attitude The Power of One

You do not have to see all the steps just take the first one

An area of importance to us all, should we decide to be better

Getting the best from yourself and others all starts with one: one thought … one word … one action.
“One” is the first note in orchestrating the personal attitude that shapes and directs your life – and impacts the members of your team. Contrary to the lyrics from a classic rock song, one is not the loneliest number. It’s the most important one!
Your thoughts, words, and actions are like individual notes that work in concert to create the power of one person – YOU – to make a difference. You can harness your “power of one” if you simply:

  • Catch one negative thought and turn it into a positive one;
  • Think of one thing for which you are grateful at the beginning of each day;
  • Say one “Fantastic!” when a friend or team member asks how you are doing;
  • Assume the best in one upcoming situation;
  • Keep on moving one more time when you experience adversity;
  • Help one friend or colleague in a time of need – and take pride in it.

Many people used to feel that one vote in an election couldn’t really make a difference. Well, recent political elections that have been decided by razor thin margins have proven them wrong. A single
act can make a difference … it can create a ripple effect felt many miles and people away. So, ask yourself: What’s one thing I can do today that will make a positive difference in my attitude? Then DO IT!
Repeat that process every day and your life will improve – and so will the lives of the people you lead. Attitudes are truly powerful … and they’re contagious!

Be nice to people on your way up. You might need them on the way down. — Jimmy Durante

Gray Lawrence

“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.” Stephen Covey

Gray Lawrence

The Greatest leaders of the world were men and women of quick decision -Napoleon Hill

2 Toxic Attitudes that Push Happiness Away From You

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Be honest above all else – This above all, to thine own self be true; and it must follow, as the night and day, thou canst not then be false to any man. William Shakespeare Hamlet

 

Mark & Angela Hack

WRITTEN by MARC CHERNOFF

12 Toxic Attitudes that Push Happiness Away From You

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.  It is what you think about it.”
― Dale Carnegie

“A 14-year-old patient of mine will be undergoing her 10th surgery in the past two years to combat a rare form of cancer.  Even after all the surgeries, I’ve never seen her frown.  She’s still 100% certain she’ll survive.  And I’m certain her attitude is the primary reason she has survived to this point.  She laughs and plays with her friends and family every day.  And her positive attitude has made her dozens of new friends at the hospital.  A kid like her who can go through everything she’s been through and come out smiling makes me realize how sour my attitude often is for no good reason at all.”

That’s an excerpt from an email I received this morning from one of our readers.  And, coincidentally, just as I finished responding to it, a new email from a course student popped up in my inbox that opened with an extremely similar theme:

“Today I realized that my best friend, who lost her mom last year to cancer, has a happier, more optimistic and thankful attitude about life than I do…”

In our line of work, Angel and I hear from dozens of readers, coaching clients and students enrolled in our Getting Back to Happy course every day.  Through this experience, we often see the same exact toxic attitudes tearing otherwise healthy individuals apart.  And we’ve witnessed, first hand, the devastation this toxicity causes to their personal and professional growth, and to their relationships.

Let’s be honest, though, we’ve all acted in toxic, damaging ways at one time or another.  None of us are immune to occasional toxic mood swings.  But that doesn’t mean we have to succumb to them.  Whether your toxic attitude is a common occurrence or just a sporadic phenomena, it’s critical for your long-term happiness and success that you are able to recognize when you’re thinking and acting poorly, and consciously shift your mind-set.

Here are 12 of the most common toxic attitudes we see plaguing people, and some tips to get you back on track:

1.  “I don’t have enough to be happy.”

Instead of thanking the heavens for two strong legs and a body that’s capable of running and jumping and dancing, lots of people complain about their weight and appearance.

Instead of appreciating that they live in a country that protects their basic human rights and civil liberties, lots of people complain about laws, taxes and politicians.

Instead of being grateful for the roof they have over their heads, lots of people wish they had a larger house and a fancier car.

Don’t be one of these people.  You may not have it all, but you have a lot.

To witness miracles in your daily life, count your blessings and be thankful for what you DO have.  There are others who aren’t so lucky.

2.  “Happiness should be handed to me on a silver platter.”

Pursuing happiness is not at all the same as being happy, which is a fleeting feeling dependent on momentary circumstances.  If the sun is shining, by all means bask in it.  Happy times are great and often fun-filled, but happy times pass, because time passes.  This is something we often resist, which results in us alienating ourselves and everyone around us.

In other words, we expect to be happy 24/7, and we expect happiness to be delivered to us on a silver platter.  We anticipate an easy life where instant gratification is the norm.  And this leads to disappointment and toxic mood swings.

The truth is that the lifelong pursuit of happiness is elusive; it’s not based on quick thrills and instantaneous fulfillment.  It’s a ‘pursuit.’  And what you are pursuing is meaning – living a meaningful life.  It starts with your “why.”  (Why are you doing what you’re doing every day?)  When your ‘why’ is meaningful, you are pursuing happiness.

There will be times when things go so wrong that you barely feel alive.  And there will also be times when you realize that being barely alive, on your own terms, is better than living a lifeless existence for 80 years on someone else’s terms.  The pursuit isn’t all or nothing; it’s all AND nothing, with ups and downs and worthwhile lessons along the way.

3.  “Every step I take needs to make logical sense (to everyone).”

If we listened to our logic 24/7 we’d never have truly passionate, romantic relationships.  We’d never have life-long, long-distance friendships.  We’d never go in business because we’d be cynical.  We’d forever be stuck thinking: “I’m going to fail.”  Or “he’s going to hurt me.”  Or, “I’ve had a couple of bad love affairs, so therefore…”  Well that’s nonsense!  You’re going to miss life if you think this way.

If you wait around until everything makes perfect logical sense to you and everyone around you, and you feel 100% safe and ready, you will be waiting the rest of your life.

Sometimes you just have to take a chance!

Sometimes you just have to get up and go for it!

Sometimes you just have to jump off a cliff and build your wings on the way down!

4.  “I’m not good enough.”

When you catch yourself in a cycle of self-hate, you must remind yourself that you weren’t born feeling this way.  That at some point in the past some person or experience sent you the message that something is wrong with you, and you internalized this lie and accepted it as your truth.  But that lie isn’t yours to carry, and those judgments aren’t about you.  And in the same way that you learned to think negatively of yourself, you can learn to think new, positive and self-loving thoughts.

You can learn to challenge those false beliefs, strip away their power, and reclaim your self-respect.  It won’t be easy, and it won’t transpire overnight.  But it is possible.  And it begins when you decide that there has to be a better way to live, and that you deserve to discover it.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

5.  “Everyone must like me!”

People who constantly strive for validation by others are exhausting to be around.  Those men and women who get caught up in the need to prove their worth over and over and over, and constantly want to win over everyone around them, are unintentionally toxic and draining.  Know this.  Over-attaching to how things have to look to others can wear you out and bring everyone else around you down.

There is a bigger picture to your life, and it’s not about what you achieve in the eyes of the masses.  It’s about the journey, the process, the path – what you’re learning, how you’re helping others learn too, and the growing process you allow yourself to participate in.

6.  “I’ve seen and heard it all before.”

No matter how much you know, there’s a whole lot you don’t know.  Period.

In almost every situation, a little more willingness to acknowledge that there may be something you do not know could change everything.  Go somewhere new, and countless opportunities suddenly appear.  Do something differently, and all sorts of great new possibilities spring up.

Keep an open mind.  Always.

It’s what we learn, after we “know it all,” that really counts in the end.

7.  “I need to be in control (of everything and everyone).”

Imagine that you’re driving in your car and you get stuck in rush hour traffic.  The traffic situation is out of your control and simply requires your patience.  However, this doesn’t stop you from switching lanes, trying to cut in front of other cars, or even leaving the road you’re on to try alternate routes – all desperate efforts to gain control.  Sadly, these efforts just lead to further stress and unhappiness when they are unsuccessful and control is again obstructed.  And when you finally get home, you take your stress out on the people you love the most.

Embrace the fact that some parts of your life are simply meant to be lived, not controlled.  No matter what happens, no matter the outcome, you’re going to be just fine.  Let the things you can’t control, GO!

Spend your thoughts and efforts on controlling what you do have power over, rather than wasting your peace of mind on the uncontrollable.  (Read The Untethered Soul.)

8.  “I’ve been hurt too badly to ever heal and move forward with my life.”

Hoarding pain and loss only makes the pain and loss last longer.  And this just tears the rest of your life and relationships apart.

One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go – whether it’s guilt, anger, love or loss.  Change is never easy – you fight to hold on and you fight to let go.  But oftentimes letting go is the healthiest path forward.  It clears out toxic thoughts from the past.  You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you.

Again, it takes hard work to let go and refocus your thoughts, but it’s worth every bit of effort you can muster.  It’s time to be bold.  It’s time to stop reading the previous chapter of your life and start writing the one you’re currently living.  Learn from your old mistakes and march confidently on.  Sure you’ll make new mistakes along the way, but that’s the whole point – you want to learn from new mistakes, not rot alongside old ones.

Living means taking chances that are worth taking and making mistakes that are worth making.  Right now is simply a new chance to get it right, but you have to let go and take this chance.

9.  “This (and everything) is personal!”

People are toxic to themselves and others when they believe that everything happening around them is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them.

Of course, it’s easy to feel unloved and unwanted when people aren’t able to communicate and connect with you in the way you expect.  And it’s so hard not to internalize that disconnection as a reflection on your worth.  But the truth is, the way other people behave and function is not about you.

Most people are so caught up in their own problems, responsibilities and struggles that the thought of asking you how you’re doing doesn’t even cross their mind.  They aren’t being mean or uncaring – they’re just busy and a bit self-centred at times.  And that’s OK.  Don’t attack them for it.  It’s not evidence of some fundamental flaw on your part.  It doesn’t make you unlovable or unworthy.  It just means that some people aren’t very good at looking beyond their own egocentric bubble.  But the fact that you are – that despite the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others – is an incredible strength.  (Read The Mastery of Love.)

10.  “I’m just too busy right now for family and friends.”

Neglect based on lack of attention often damages relationships far more than malicious abuse.

Although it’s perhaps conceivable that you may lie on your deathbed someday regretting that you didn’t work harder and check every little thing off your to-do list, it’s doubtful that your work will be your biggest concern.  What’s more likely, however, is that you will wish you could have one more romantic night with your spouse, another long, heartfelt talk with your sister, and one last good hard laugh with your best friend.

Life is simply too short to be too busy for the people you love.

11.  “What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”

It’s NOT OK to stretch the truth.  Ever!  It really isn’t!  Doing so only leads to stress in the long run.

In fact, it’s disheartening to think how many people are shocked by honesty, and how few by deceit.  Don’t be one of them.  Uphold the truth, always.  Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often, and you should be the one shocking them with honest words and deeds every day.

The bottom line here is that an honest, loving heart is the beginning of everything that is right with this world.  It’s what brings us together and keeps us together through thick and thin.

12.  “I’m better than them (and everyone else for that matter).”

And finally, through it all, you have to keep your pride in check…

To admit you made a mistake.  To say you are sorry.  To know that you can’t possibly know it all.  To have big dreams. To admit you owe your success to others too.  To poke fun at yourself from time to time.  To ask for help when you need it.

To make mistakes and fail.  And to try again, willingly.

There are no permanent jobs or absolutes on this planet.  We are all just interning and exploring here.  Learn from everyone, remain humble, and don’t forget to have a good time along the way.

That’s what happy, successful people do.

Your turn…

If you can see any of these toxic attitudes in yourself, remember, you are not alone.  We all have negativity buried deep within us that has the potential to sneak up on us sometimes.  The key, of course, is awareness – recognizing these toxic attitudes when they arise and stopping them in their tracks.

So, what toxic attitudes do you sometimes struggle with?  How have these attitudes affected your personal and professional contentment?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights with us.

 

Your life is a learning process – you can only become wiser from learning. Sometimes you might have to attract making a painful mistake to learn something important, but after the mistake you have far greater wisdom. Wisdom cannot be bought with money – it can only be acquired through living life. With wisdom comes: strength, courage, knowing, and an ever-increasing peace. May the joy be with you, Rhonda Byrne

Success doesn’t come to you – you go to it. — Marva Collins

Gray Lawrence

 

He who loses wealth loses much; he who loses a friend loses more; but he that loses his courage loses all. – Miguel de Cervantes

Afraid of failure?

 

“If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.”—Tallulah Bankhead 

 

Afraid of Failure? Read the following steps

Steps to Break Down Failure

Have you ever felt like a failure? I totally have. But I am not alone.

There is an epidemic of feelings of failure in any country and failure is so definitive. When you think you failed, there is not much wiggle room to be anything other than “a failure.” A horrible way to see yourself! This becomes a belief ingrained and tainting everything else we do and try. Here are four ways to break it down.

A. Lower Your Expectations

Failure is in relation to something. Usually some standard or expectation that was not met: I am not thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough. Having unreasonable expectations is more detrimental on our health than anything else. It brings in judgment, which compounds every other problem we already have.

When we have a feeling which is appropriate to the situation, and then we judge ourselves, then we worry! the problem becomes so much bigger and harder to recover from. Then, we berate ourselves for not recovering quickly with another layer of judgment. The original feeling is nothing compared to the complex mess and layers of our own judgement and fear.

Do not add them. Allow yourself to feel and do not worry, you can handle it. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself, lower those outrageous expectations! Instead of dwelling, do something. Seek a “Mentor with a Servant’s Heart”

 

B. Know there is a point to trying

Past feelings of failure attempt to take away our point to trying to feel better or accomplish something. We get convinced that we will fail anyway. We assume trying hard will make us more disappointed when we do actually fail, and so we put less effort in in hopes to protect our heart. With less effort, we may actually not achieve our goal and we can say “See? I always fail. Good thing I did not try.”

The point is “Rarely is anything accomplished without trying” And if we try and don’t succeed, our heart actually feels better, not worse. We build confidence knowing that we did our best. We feel empowered because we can respond to things in life. This is giving in to your fears

 

C. Notice your accomplishment

Simple. See the good in you instead of the bad. Focus on something else beside that one standard you missed. Have confidence in the efforts you did put forth. Notice other things you received from the process, a good example are  friends you’ve made along the journey and “ what you have  learned”  and how it made you grow. Remember all other accomplishments in your life. be positive

 

D. Remember it is not over

We sometimes assume we failed too soon. Then we feel devastated and stop trying. If you are still alive, you could not have failed, since it is not over. Yes, your standards and expectation might change, but if you are still kicking, you cannot by definition be a failure. Readjust your expectations and try again ALWAYS -  Never Give up!!!

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can……. I can, I can!

 

Foot note for the winner in you.

Your dreams and desires to win are down to you and no one else… If no one is listening find those that will, live the life you desire with those that have trodden the path before.  Then teach those who sit in your wake.

Be the person you wish to be & leave negative in the slow lane.

When you realise you are a winner and find the next gear be ready for what awaits you.  Perhaps you are ready and now & looking for the opportunity to work for yourself  so you can help those less fortunate, with their own mental attitude, be the teacher & TEACH. 

The road is paved with GOLD just open the right door in your mind and take the first step.  Gray

Study those who failed and failed again, then “WON” that came before you read the right books:  “The Secret & The Power” by Rhonda Byrne: Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, to name but a few..

  I was never afraid of failure only the lack of trying  Gray

“The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.”—Walt Disney

 

The world Owes You Everything and nothing but your goal’s are your own decision Believe in your self – Gray Lawrence

Winning in life is more than just money; it is about winning on the inside and knowing that you have played the game of life with all you had, and then some!   Gray Lawrence 

How to avoid the thing!

“One of if not the best Blogger I follow”
Seth Godin  "I’ll know it when I see it"

This is a waste for the buyer and the seller.

When you have a business or individual waiting for you to bring them custom work, it can lead to an endless cycle of, "hmmmm not quite right." If the architectural drawings, high-heeled shoes or ad campaign doesn’t meet their unstated standards, you’re back to doing it again.

Sometimes you can make a handsome profit on all the fees you charge to redo things that indulge the ego of the customer, but more likely than not, your time is wasted until they’re happy. If you have a client who feels the same way, you can work together to save time and money by being clear with each other about what’s wanted.

I think helping a client say what they want before they see it is a worthy endeavor.

  1. Do it on purpose. When engaging with a new client, intentionally create an environment where personal taste is described in advance, and as much boundary-building as possible is done when it’s cheap to iterate, not at the end when it’s expensive.
  2. Demand benchmarks. The world is filled with things that are a lot like what you’ve been asked to create. So mutually identify them. Show me three other websites that feel like what you’re hoping to feel like. Hand me a hardcover book that has type that reads the way you want yours to read. Walk me through a building that has the vibe you’re looking for…
  3. Describe the assignment before you start. Using your words and the words of the client, precisely state what problem you’re trying to solve. "We’re trying to build something that does a, b and c, and not d…"
  4. Then, before you show off your proposal, before you hand in your work, restate the problem again. "You asked us to do a, b and c at a cost of under X. What I’m about to show you does a, it does b and it does c… and it costs half of X." This sort of intentional restatement of the scope of work respects your client by honoring their stated intent, at the same time it focuses your work on the stated goals.
  5. Make a decision about whether you want a reputation for doing this sort of focused work. If you do, don’t work for clients who don’t buy into the process. Over time, you’ll earn the kind of clients you want.

Of course, this isn’t going to work every time. Sometimes the client loves the power of saying no. Sometimes the client isn’t articulate enough to describe what she wants. And sometimes the goal is magic, and no one knows how to describe that in advance.

Four questions worth answering

Who is your next customer? (Conceptually, not specifically. Describe his outlook, his tribe, his hopes and dreams and needs and wants…)

What is the story he told himself (about the world, about his situation, about his perceptions) before he met you?

How do you encounter him in a way that he trusts the story you tell him about what you have to offer?

What change are you trying to make in him, his life, or his story?

Start with this before you spend time on tactics, technology or scalability.

We are still masters of our fate. We are still captains of our souls. – Winston Churchill  

Gray Lawrence                                                            

"Forget mistakes. Forget failure. Forget everything except what you’re going to do now and do it. Today is your lucky day. -Will Durant

6 Things Life is TOO Short to Worry About

6 Things Life is TOO Short to Worry About

 

The Abundance Project

Life is too short to being worrying about things that don’t help us be happy and abundance!  With a little brain tweaking, lets drop these common worries and start focusing on things that REALLY MATTER.

So here are 6 things that we need to stop worrying about to have a better life.

Being Miserable at work.

Don’t work a job that you hate.  There are too many options, and you are too important to be unhappy 40 hours a week!  Why don’t you leave that job for someone who actually wants it.  You’ll be doing yourself a favour.  Or do it for the person that will be happy in that job, if you aren’t high enough on own your priority list.

Putting yourself down.

Each time you step in front of the mirror I want you to remember that “this is an opportunity to see what’s good about me”.  In any mirror you are able to see the good.  Life is too hard to be putting yourself down.  So every time you step in front of the mirror know that this is an opportunity to compliment, uplift, and truly appreciate what you have going for you!

Valuing Others Opinions, over your own.

Lets say you have a project at work that you care a lot about, would you let someone come in and tell you what to do about a project , they know nothing about?! No you wouldn’t.  Don’t compromise all the work you’ve done on yourself by over valuing others opinions and undervaluing your own.  Trust yourself.  You know what is best for you.

Criticizing others

Lets just create a nicer environment for everyone, if you want to stop criticizing yourself, you must stop criticizing others first!

Comparing yourself to others.

No amount of wishing and hoping that you looked or had what others do, will make it happen.   But learning to be happy anywhere, can help us be happy everywhere.  if you can learn to be happy with who you are and what you have, this will translate into the rest of your life.

No more Excuses.

Don’t be too lazy to change your life.  To carry an excuse, first you have to come up with it, then tell yourself more times than you can count so you start believing it, and then after that you have to convince others.  Look at all that work.  Save all that time and energy for the things that really matter!

Gray Lawrence

The world Owes You Everything and nothing but your goal’s are your own decision Believe in your self – Gray Lawrence

Winning in life is more than just money; it is about winning on the inside and knowing that you have played the game of life with all you had, and then some!

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Gray Lawrence

grayjl63@gmail.com

Skype: graynat71

Ph: +44 1522 691508
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