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2 Toxic Attitudes that Push Happiness Away From You

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Be honest above all else – This above all, to thine own self be true; and it must follow, as the night and day, thou canst not then be false to any man. William Shakespeare Hamlet

 

Mark & Angela Hack

WRITTEN by MARC CHERNOFF

12 Toxic Attitudes that Push Happiness Away From You

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.  It is what you think about it.”
― Dale Carnegie

“A 14-year-old patient of mine will be undergoing her 10th surgery in the past two years to combat a rare form of cancer.  Even after all the surgeries, I’ve never seen her frown.  She’s still 100% certain she’ll survive.  And I’m certain her attitude is the primary reason she has survived to this point.  She laughs and plays with her friends and family every day.  And her positive attitude has made her dozens of new friends at the hospital.  A kid like her who can go through everything she’s been through and come out smiling makes me realize how sour my attitude often is for no good reason at all.”

That’s an excerpt from an email I received this morning from one of our readers.  And, coincidentally, just as I finished responding to it, a new email from a course student popped up in my inbox that opened with an extremely similar theme:

“Today I realized that my best friend, who lost her mom last year to cancer, has a happier, more optimistic and thankful attitude about life than I do…”

In our line of work, Angel and I hear from dozens of readers, coaching clients and students enrolled in our Getting Back to Happy course every day.  Through this experience, we often see the same exact toxic attitudes tearing otherwise healthy individuals apart.  And we’ve witnessed, first hand, the devastation this toxicity causes to their personal and professional growth, and to their relationships.

Let’s be honest, though, we’ve all acted in toxic, damaging ways at one time or another.  None of us are immune to occasional toxic mood swings.  But that doesn’t mean we have to succumb to them.  Whether your toxic attitude is a common occurrence or just a sporadic phenomena, it’s critical for your long-term happiness and success that you are able to recognize when you’re thinking and acting poorly, and consciously shift your mind-set.

Here are 12 of the most common toxic attitudes we see plaguing people, and some tips to get you back on track:

1.  “I don’t have enough to be happy.”

Instead of thanking the heavens for two strong legs and a body that’s capable of running and jumping and dancing, lots of people complain about their weight and appearance.

Instead of appreciating that they live in a country that protects their basic human rights and civil liberties, lots of people complain about laws, taxes and politicians.

Instead of being grateful for the roof they have over their heads, lots of people wish they had a larger house and a fancier car.

Don’t be one of these people.  You may not have it all, but you have a lot.

To witness miracles in your daily life, count your blessings and be thankful for what you DO have.  There are others who aren’t so lucky.

2.  “Happiness should be handed to me on a silver platter.”

Pursuing happiness is not at all the same as being happy, which is a fleeting feeling dependent on momentary circumstances.  If the sun is shining, by all means bask in it.  Happy times are great and often fun-filled, but happy times pass, because time passes.  This is something we often resist, which results in us alienating ourselves and everyone around us.

In other words, we expect to be happy 24/7, and we expect happiness to be delivered to us on a silver platter.  We anticipate an easy life where instant gratification is the norm.  And this leads to disappointment and toxic mood swings.

The truth is that the lifelong pursuit of happiness is elusive; it’s not based on quick thrills and instantaneous fulfillment.  It’s a ‘pursuit.’  And what you are pursuing is meaning – living a meaningful life.  It starts with your “why.”  (Why are you doing what you’re doing every day?)  When your ‘why’ is meaningful, you are pursuing happiness.

There will be times when things go so wrong that you barely feel alive.  And there will also be times when you realize that being barely alive, on your own terms, is better than living a lifeless existence for 80 years on someone else’s terms.  The pursuit isn’t all or nothing; it’s all AND nothing, with ups and downs and worthwhile lessons along the way.

3.  “Every step I take needs to make logical sense (to everyone).”

If we listened to our logic 24/7 we’d never have truly passionate, romantic relationships.  We’d never have life-long, long-distance friendships.  We’d never go in business because we’d be cynical.  We’d forever be stuck thinking: “I’m going to fail.”  Or “he’s going to hurt me.”  Or, “I’ve had a couple of bad love affairs, so therefore…”  Well that’s nonsense!  You’re going to miss life if you think this way.

If you wait around until everything makes perfect logical sense to you and everyone around you, and you feel 100% safe and ready, you will be waiting the rest of your life.

Sometimes you just have to take a chance!

Sometimes you just have to get up and go for it!

Sometimes you just have to jump off a cliff and build your wings on the way down!

4.  “I’m not good enough.”

When you catch yourself in a cycle of self-hate, you must remind yourself that you weren’t born feeling this way.  That at some point in the past some person or experience sent you the message that something is wrong with you, and you internalized this lie and accepted it as your truth.  But that lie isn’t yours to carry, and those judgments aren’t about you.  And in the same way that you learned to think negatively of yourself, you can learn to think new, positive and self-loving thoughts.

You can learn to challenge those false beliefs, strip away their power, and reclaim your self-respect.  It won’t be easy, and it won’t transpire overnight.  But it is possible.  And it begins when you decide that there has to be a better way to live, and that you deserve to discover it.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

5.  “Everyone must like me!”

People who constantly strive for validation by others are exhausting to be around.  Those men and women who get caught up in the need to prove their worth over and over and over, and constantly want to win over everyone around them, are unintentionally toxic and draining.  Know this.  Over-attaching to how things have to look to others can wear you out and bring everyone else around you down.

There is a bigger picture to your life, and it’s not about what you achieve in the eyes of the masses.  It’s about the journey, the process, the path – what you’re learning, how you’re helping others learn too, and the growing process you allow yourself to participate in.

6.  “I’ve seen and heard it all before.”

No matter how much you know, there’s a whole lot you don’t know.  Period.

In almost every situation, a little more willingness to acknowledge that there may be something you do not know could change everything.  Go somewhere new, and countless opportunities suddenly appear.  Do something differently, and all sorts of great new possibilities spring up.

Keep an open mind.  Always.

It’s what we learn, after we “know it all,” that really counts in the end.

7.  “I need to be in control (of everything and everyone).”

Imagine that you’re driving in your car and you get stuck in rush hour traffic.  The traffic situation is out of your control and simply requires your patience.  However, this doesn’t stop you from switching lanes, trying to cut in front of other cars, or even leaving the road you’re on to try alternate routes – all desperate efforts to gain control.  Sadly, these efforts just lead to further stress and unhappiness when they are unsuccessful and control is again obstructed.  And when you finally get home, you take your stress out on the people you love the most.

Embrace the fact that some parts of your life are simply meant to be lived, not controlled.  No matter what happens, no matter the outcome, you’re going to be just fine.  Let the things you can’t control, GO!

Spend your thoughts and efforts on controlling what you do have power over, rather than wasting your peace of mind on the uncontrollable.  (Read The Untethered Soul.)

8.  “I’ve been hurt too badly to ever heal and move forward with my life.”

Hoarding pain and loss only makes the pain and loss last longer.  And this just tears the rest of your life and relationships apart.

One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go – whether it’s guilt, anger, love or loss.  Change is never easy – you fight to hold on and you fight to let go.  But oftentimes letting go is the healthiest path forward.  It clears out toxic thoughts from the past.  You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you.

Again, it takes hard work to let go and refocus your thoughts, but it’s worth every bit of effort you can muster.  It’s time to be bold.  It’s time to stop reading the previous chapter of your life and start writing the one you’re currently living.  Learn from your old mistakes and march confidently on.  Sure you’ll make new mistakes along the way, but that’s the whole point – you want to learn from new mistakes, not rot alongside old ones.

Living means taking chances that are worth taking and making mistakes that are worth making.  Right now is simply a new chance to get it right, but you have to let go and take this chance.

9.  “This (and everything) is personal!”

People are toxic to themselves and others when they believe that everything happening around them is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them.

Of course, it’s easy to feel unloved and unwanted when people aren’t able to communicate and connect with you in the way you expect.  And it’s so hard not to internalize that disconnection as a reflection on your worth.  But the truth is, the way other people behave and function is not about you.

Most people are so caught up in their own problems, responsibilities and struggles that the thought of asking you how you’re doing doesn’t even cross their mind.  They aren’t being mean or uncaring – they’re just busy and a bit self-centred at times.  And that’s OK.  Don’t attack them for it.  It’s not evidence of some fundamental flaw on your part.  It doesn’t make you unlovable or unworthy.  It just means that some people aren’t very good at looking beyond their own egocentric bubble.  But the fact that you are – that despite the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others – is an incredible strength.  (Read The Mastery of Love.)

10.  “I’m just too busy right now for family and friends.”

Neglect based on lack of attention often damages relationships far more than malicious abuse.

Although it’s perhaps conceivable that you may lie on your deathbed someday regretting that you didn’t work harder and check every little thing off your to-do list, it’s doubtful that your work will be your biggest concern.  What’s more likely, however, is that you will wish you could have one more romantic night with your spouse, another long, heartfelt talk with your sister, and one last good hard laugh with your best friend.

Life is simply too short to be too busy for the people you love.

11.  “What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”

It’s NOT OK to stretch the truth.  Ever!  It really isn’t!  Doing so only leads to stress in the long run.

In fact, it’s disheartening to think how many people are shocked by honesty, and how few by deceit.  Don’t be one of them.  Uphold the truth, always.  Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often, and you should be the one shocking them with honest words and deeds every day.

The bottom line here is that an honest, loving heart is the beginning of everything that is right with this world.  It’s what brings us together and keeps us together through thick and thin.

12.  “I’m better than them (and everyone else for that matter).”

And finally, through it all, you have to keep your pride in check…

To admit you made a mistake.  To say you are sorry.  To know that you can’t possibly know it all.  To have big dreams. To admit you owe your success to others too.  To poke fun at yourself from time to time.  To ask for help when you need it.

To make mistakes and fail.  And to try again, willingly.

There are no permanent jobs or absolutes on this planet.  We are all just interning and exploring here.  Learn from everyone, remain humble, and don’t forget to have a good time along the way.

That’s what happy, successful people do.

Your turn…

If you can see any of these toxic attitudes in yourself, remember, you are not alone.  We all have negativity buried deep within us that has the potential to sneak up on us sometimes.  The key, of course, is awareness – recognizing these toxic attitudes when they arise and stopping them in their tracks.

So, what toxic attitudes do you sometimes struggle with?  How have these attitudes affected your personal and professional contentment?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights with us.

 

Your life is a learning process – you can only become wiser from learning. Sometimes you might have to attract making a painful mistake to learn something important, but after the mistake you have far greater wisdom. Wisdom cannot be bought with money – it can only be acquired through living life. With wisdom comes: strength, courage, knowing, and an ever-increasing peace. May the joy be with you, Rhonda Byrne

Success doesn’t come to you – you go to it. — Marva Collins

Gray Lawrence

Utility Warehouse distributor

He who loses wealth loses much; he who loses a friend loses more; but he that loses his courage loses all. – Miguel de Cervantes

Alternative Treatment Follow up with the Daily Mail

 

Doctor

 

If you need more proof of Acupuncture, cupping and more look towards the stars!the stars.  Please expand to see more information.

He who loses wealth loses much;

he who loses a friend loses more;

but he that loses his courage loses all.

~Miguel de Cervantes

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Your mind is your choice, not other people’s Gray

I just started thinking how happy I was; Health family and more

The right time is always when you are ready. Gray

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There’s one little corner of your life where you can make an
improvement today. Take the opportunity to do so.
There’s one little corner of the world where you can make a
difference right now. Go ahead and be the person to make
that difference.
One little corner may not seem like much. One little corner
may not appear to be worth the trouble.
Yet when you get things working well in that one little
corner, something wonderful happens. You discover how
delightful, inspiring, fulfilling and compelling the
experience of achievement can be.
And then you start looking for other little corners where
you can work the same magic. One little corner after
another, you begin to have a major positive impact.
To achieve great things requires no great effort, just a
modest effort repeated again and again. Start right now by
improving one little corner, and you’re on your way to
change the world.

Attitude and Healing go hand in hand- ray

Your Vision of the future, lies from within, words of Wisdom – Gray

Distributor
The Greatest leaders of the world were men and women of quick decision -Napoleon Hill

Energy and persistence conqer all things  Benjamin Franklin

Don’t give up

“Do not follow what you desire – instead follow your intuition of what your joy is.” – Sheila Hageman

Don’t give up (you’re on the right track)

Wrestling with a puzzle, a project or a problem, the likeliest reason to give up is the belief that it can’t be done. What’s the point of persevering if it’s actually impossible to succeed?

"It can’t be done," we say, throwing up our hands. Not "I can’t do it," or "It’s not worth my time," but "It can’t be done."

Do what you feel in your heart to be rightIn the year after Roger Bannister broke the 4 minute mile, the record was broken again and again. Once people realized it could be done, it wasn’t an impossible task any longer. And that’s why there’s a flood of tablets on the market, many from companies that had what they needed to build the first one, but didn’t until Apple showed them the way.

Two things you might take away from this:

First: There’s solace in finding someone who has done it before, whatever "it" is you’re trying to do. Knowing that it’s possible and studying how it was done can’t help but increase the chances you’ll stick it out.

Second: Huge value accrues to the few able to actually do a thing for the very Don’t wake up in the morning resentful of the day ahead. Smile and hear your soul, clearly saying, –   first time.

Your life is a learning process – you can only become wiser from learning. Sometimes you might have to attract making a painful mistake to learn something important, but after the mistake you have far greater wisdom. Wisdom cannot be bought with money – it can only be acquired through living life. With wisdom comes: strength, courage, knowing, and an ever-increasing peace. May the joy be with you, Rhonda Byrne

Don’t wake up in the morning resentful of the day ahead. Smile and hear your soul, clearly saying, ‘Thank you for my adventure – where shall we go today?’” – Susan Sosbe

The Power is from within, the choice is yours
Gray Lawrence
"Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start." Nido Qubein

 

Inspiration by Laura Mayer

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Remember the mind grows strong through use. Struggle makes power.
Napoleon Hill liked to tell a story about his grandfather, a wagon builder in North Carolina. When the old man cleared the land for cultivation, he always left a few oak trees in the middle of the field at the mercy of the elements, unsheltered by other trees in the forest. It was from those trees that his grandfather made the wagons’ wheels. Because they were forced to struggle against the fury of nature, they grew strong enough to bear the heaviest load. Welcome difficult challenges, for the greatest opportunities will come from challenges that force you to expand your mind as you search for creative solutions. During life’s bleakest hours, take solace in the face that you are strengthening yourself through struggle so that in the future you will be prepared to take on even greater challenges. Like the old oak tree, you grow strong only when you are forced to struggle. – Napoleon hill

4 Ways to Open Yourself to Healing

 

Laura Mayer

If I could share 500 words to inspire, this is the important wisdom I’d want to pass along to others…

I share my miraculous transformation from surviving to thriving to inspire you to do the same. After being diagnosed at age fourteen, undergoing eighteen surgeries and 40 years of a disabling neurological disease, I stepped out of the medical box and opened to the world of spirituality and alternative healing modalities.

I began to trust in the unknown forces of nature, the energy field and quantum physics. I learned to allow the flow of grace to nurture and heal me.

Healing was a process of releasing old messages stored in my DNA. I learned what it meant to have the courage to love myself enough and trust that I deserved a better life, a healthier existence. That’s when my entire body started to shift into wellness.

Mostly, I learned to “let go” and follow my inner guidance. In doing so I allowed my heart to be guided by intuition and grace, not by my mind/ego, which were, for the most part, driven by fear. I was slowly and steadily unlocking myself from the only existence I had known and began to vision a new life, filled with joy and acceptance.”

My healing journey helped me to identify the energetic root of my dis-ease and to realize if my heart healed, my body would heal as well. I learned the incredible power of words and how we receive exactly what we ask for. I learned everything in life offers us the opportunity to grow. Most importantly, I learned that by seeing through softer eyes there was no longer room for anger.

Trust you have the power to make choices and be the co-creator of your destiny. You can remain locked in old stories, trapped in past belief patterns and behaviors that no longer serve you, or you can create a new story – one that resonates with your authentic self. It’s about saying yes to your desires, your higher self.

I learned that forgiveness + compassion = healing. When we forgive ourselves, and others, we heal the hurt and discomfort that lies dormant in our cellular makeup.

I learned to drop my weapons and pick up my angel wings. When we are compassion and grace, we attract the same. Healing is based in the heart, not the mind.

As a result of my learning, I have completely transcended the disease and live each day in joy and gratitude.

If I can heal – anyone can heal.

My inspirational offering to you:

  • Know on the deepest level you deserve a life filled with joy, ease and grace.
  • Open to the unknown – step away from the rigidity of the past and welcome in non-traditional methods of healing. Trust in the invisible lines of connection – even when you are clueless to what will happen next.
  • Release or relinquish old belief patterns that no longer serve you.
  • Listen deeply to what your heart is telling you.

Be your heart’s desire and live your soul purpose.

Gray Lawrence

Independent Distributor (UW)

"Forget mistakes. Forget failure. Forget everything except what you’re going to do now and do it. Today is your lucky day. -Will Durant

 

Be Inspired Your Hero by Rob Kaye

 

PMA added

Believe in yourself and your abilities. That is the only way to attract wonderful things into your life. Don’t waste your time thinking that you cannot do something. Dr. Steve & Frank

 

Your Hero In Times of Need

Rob KayeIf I could share 500 words to inspire, this is the important wisdom I’d want to pass along to others…

You are the hero you’ve been waiting for. No matter what challenge you’re facing, there is no one who can save you the way that you can. We all need support, but it’s up to you to take the first step.

Deep down within all of us is a strong spirit, an unseen force that we’re born with. I call it the hero within us — and you are the hero you’ve been waiting for. When you’re lost, when you’re feeling like you need someone to rescue you, that someone is you.

The most important thing you’ll ever do in life is take care of yourself. Find out who you are, what you need, what you want. The more you take care of yourself, the more the universe will take care of you.

The longest distance is from the head to the heart. Sometimes we focus so much on being the figure out there that we forget to enjoy life. It’s good to take a break from thinking and just live from the heart more. Sometimes the best solution to any challenge is to leave it alone and go have some fun.

Go where it’s warm. You don’t have to chase unavailable people. You don’t have to change them or change yourself for them. Choose people who, when you need them, run to you instead of running to the hills.

It’s so powerful to go from can’t to won’t. “I won’t be in this bad relationship anymore. I won’t work at this job anymore.” When you go from can’t to won’t, then you go from being a victim to being empowered.

People want to be heard. Listening is underrated.

You don’t have to get anyone’s approval anymore. You’re not asking for approval, you’re giving it.

Look people in the eye. Let them really see you.

Life is meant to be enjoyed. Really.

In any situation, when the pain outweighs the pleasure, it’s time to go.

Sometimes just accepting something for what it is helps alleviate the obsession to change it.

You and your romantic soul mate will meet at exactly the right time when you’re both ready. Until then, focus on the soul mates you already have in your life. Maybe it’s a family member, a friend or a co-worker who is a special person in your life.

I think the next stage of the sexual revolution is going to be where men are accepted for being sensitive yet still strong and women are accepted for being strong yet still feminine.

Relax. You don’t have to figure it all out today.

Listen to your intuition. It’s a great guide for you.

Don’t give up. Most people don’t achieve their goal because they gave up too soon. It may be a hard climb, but if you stay the course, you will eventually succeed. It’s inevitable. If you feel like you’re having trouble keeping the dream alive, take a breather and get some rest. You’ll get your second wind. Whatever it takes, don’t give up.

Believe in yourself and your abilities. That is the only way to attract wonderful things into your life. Don’t waste your time thinking that you cannot do something. Dr. Steve & Frank

A wise man watches his faults more closely than his virtues; fools reverse the order.  We all have within us the potential for greatness or for failure. Both possibilities are an innate part of our character. Whether we reach for the stars or plunge to the depths of despair depends in large measure on how we manage our positive and negative potential. It is doubtful that, if left unchecked, your virtues will rage out of control. Unfortunately, the reverse is not true about your faults. Left unattended, faults have a way of multiplying until they eventually choke out your good qualities. The surest way to control your faults is to attack them the moment they appear. – Napoleon Hill

 

Gray Lawrence

Independent Distributor (UW)

Opportunities are never lost. . . . They are found by someone else!” – Mike Mc Donald

 

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Gray Lawrence

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