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2 Toxic Attitudes that Push Happiness Away From You

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Be honest above all else – This above all, to thine own self be true; and it must follow, as the night and day, thou canst not then be false to any man. William Shakespeare Hamlet

 

Mark & Angela Hack

WRITTEN by MARC CHERNOFF

12 Toxic Attitudes that Push Happiness Away From You

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.  It is what you think about it.”
― Dale Carnegie

“A 14-year-old patient of mine will be undergoing her 10th surgery in the past two years to combat a rare form of cancer.  Even after all the surgeries, I’ve never seen her frown.  She’s still 100% certain she’ll survive.  And I’m certain her attitude is the primary reason she has survived to this point.  She laughs and plays with her friends and family every day.  And her positive attitude has made her dozens of new friends at the hospital.  A kid like her who can go through everything she’s been through and come out smiling makes me realize how sour my attitude often is for no good reason at all.”

That’s an excerpt from an email I received this morning from one of our readers.  And, coincidentally, just as I finished responding to it, a new email from a course student popped up in my inbox that opened with an extremely similar theme:

“Today I realized that my best friend, who lost her mom last year to cancer, has a happier, more optimistic and thankful attitude about life than I do…”

In our line of work, Angel and I hear from dozens of readers, coaching clients and students enrolled in our Getting Back to Happy course every day.  Through this experience, we often see the same exact toxic attitudes tearing otherwise healthy individuals apart.  And we’ve witnessed, first hand, the devastation this toxicity causes to their personal and professional growth, and to their relationships.

Let’s be honest, though, we’ve all acted in toxic, damaging ways at one time or another.  None of us are immune to occasional toxic mood swings.  But that doesn’t mean we have to succumb to them.  Whether your toxic attitude is a common occurrence or just a sporadic phenomena, it’s critical for your long-term happiness and success that you are able to recognize when you’re thinking and acting poorly, and consciously shift your mind-set.

Here are 12 of the most common toxic attitudes we see plaguing people, and some tips to get you back on track:

1.  “I don’t have enough to be happy.”

Instead of thanking the heavens for two strong legs and a body that’s capable of running and jumping and dancing, lots of people complain about their weight and appearance.

Instead of appreciating that they live in a country that protects their basic human rights and civil liberties, lots of people complain about laws, taxes and politicians.

Instead of being grateful for the roof they have over their heads, lots of people wish they had a larger house and a fancier car.

Don’t be one of these people.  You may not have it all, but you have a lot.

To witness miracles in your daily life, count your blessings and be thankful for what you DO have.  There are others who aren’t so lucky.

2.  “Happiness should be handed to me on a silver platter.”

Pursuing happiness is not at all the same as being happy, which is a fleeting feeling dependent on momentary circumstances.  If the sun is shining, by all means bask in it.  Happy times are great and often fun-filled, but happy times pass, because time passes.  This is something we often resist, which results in us alienating ourselves and everyone around us.

In other words, we expect to be happy 24/7, and we expect happiness to be delivered to us on a silver platter.  We anticipate an easy life where instant gratification is the norm.  And this leads to disappointment and toxic mood swings.

The truth is that the lifelong pursuit of happiness is elusive; it’s not based on quick thrills and instantaneous fulfillment.  It’s a ‘pursuit.’  And what you are pursuing is meaning – living a meaningful life.  It starts with your “why.”  (Why are you doing what you’re doing every day?)  When your ‘why’ is meaningful, you are pursuing happiness.

There will be times when things go so wrong that you barely feel alive.  And there will also be times when you realize that being barely alive, on your own terms, is better than living a lifeless existence for 80 years on someone else’s terms.  The pursuit isn’t all or nothing; it’s all AND nothing, with ups and downs and worthwhile lessons along the way.

3.  “Every step I take needs to make logical sense (to everyone).”

If we listened to our logic 24/7 we’d never have truly passionate, romantic relationships.  We’d never have life-long, long-distance friendships.  We’d never go in business because we’d be cynical.  We’d forever be stuck thinking: “I’m going to fail.”  Or “he’s going to hurt me.”  Or, “I’ve had a couple of bad love affairs, so therefore…”  Well that’s nonsense!  You’re going to miss life if you think this way.

If you wait around until everything makes perfect logical sense to you and everyone around you, and you feel 100% safe and ready, you will be waiting the rest of your life.

Sometimes you just have to take a chance!

Sometimes you just have to get up and go for it!

Sometimes you just have to jump off a cliff and build your wings on the way down!

4.  “I’m not good enough.”

When you catch yourself in a cycle of self-hate, you must remind yourself that you weren’t born feeling this way.  That at some point in the past some person or experience sent you the message that something is wrong with you, and you internalized this lie and accepted it as your truth.  But that lie isn’t yours to carry, and those judgments aren’t about you.  And in the same way that you learned to think negatively of yourself, you can learn to think new, positive and self-loving thoughts.

You can learn to challenge those false beliefs, strip away their power, and reclaim your self-respect.  It won’t be easy, and it won’t transpire overnight.  But it is possible.  And it begins when you decide that there has to be a better way to live, and that you deserve to discover it.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

5.  “Everyone must like me!”

People who constantly strive for validation by others are exhausting to be around.  Those men and women who get caught up in the need to prove their worth over and over and over, and constantly want to win over everyone around them, are unintentionally toxic and draining.  Know this.  Over-attaching to how things have to look to others can wear you out and bring everyone else around you down.

There is a bigger picture to your life, and it’s not about what you achieve in the eyes of the masses.  It’s about the journey, the process, the path – what you’re learning, how you’re helping others learn too, and the growing process you allow yourself to participate in.

6.  “I’ve seen and heard it all before.”

No matter how much you know, there’s a whole lot you don’t know.  Period.

In almost every situation, a little more willingness to acknowledge that there may be something you do not know could change everything.  Go somewhere new, and countless opportunities suddenly appear.  Do something differently, and all sorts of great new possibilities spring up.

Keep an open mind.  Always.

It’s what we learn, after we “know it all,” that really counts in the end.

7.  “I need to be in control (of everything and everyone).”

Imagine that you’re driving in your car and you get stuck in rush hour traffic.  The traffic situation is out of your control and simply requires your patience.  However, this doesn’t stop you from switching lanes, trying to cut in front of other cars, or even leaving the road you’re on to try alternate routes – all desperate efforts to gain control.  Sadly, these efforts just lead to further stress and unhappiness when they are unsuccessful and control is again obstructed.  And when you finally get home, you take your stress out on the people you love the most.

Embrace the fact that some parts of your life are simply meant to be lived, not controlled.  No matter what happens, no matter the outcome, you’re going to be just fine.  Let the things you can’t control, GO!

Spend your thoughts and efforts on controlling what you do have power over, rather than wasting your peace of mind on the uncontrollable.  (Read The Untethered Soul.)

8.  “I’ve been hurt too badly to ever heal and move forward with my life.”

Hoarding pain and loss only makes the pain and loss last longer.  And this just tears the rest of your life and relationships apart.

One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go – whether it’s guilt, anger, love or loss.  Change is never easy – you fight to hold on and you fight to let go.  But oftentimes letting go is the healthiest path forward.  It clears out toxic thoughts from the past.  You’ve got to emotionally free yourself from the things that once meant a lot to you, so you can move beyond the past and the pain it brings you.

Again, it takes hard work to let go and refocus your thoughts, but it’s worth every bit of effort you can muster.  It’s time to be bold.  It’s time to stop reading the previous chapter of your life and start writing the one you’re currently living.  Learn from your old mistakes and march confidently on.  Sure you’ll make new mistakes along the way, but that’s the whole point – you want to learn from new mistakes, not rot alongside old ones.

Living means taking chances that are worth taking and making mistakes that are worth making.  Right now is simply a new chance to get it right, but you have to let go and take this chance.

9.  “This (and everything) is personal!”

People are toxic to themselves and others when they believe that everything happening around them is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them.

Of course, it’s easy to feel unloved and unwanted when people aren’t able to communicate and connect with you in the way you expect.  And it’s so hard not to internalize that disconnection as a reflection on your worth.  But the truth is, the way other people behave and function is not about you.

Most people are so caught up in their own problems, responsibilities and struggles that the thought of asking you how you’re doing doesn’t even cross their mind.  They aren’t being mean or uncaring – they’re just busy and a bit self-centred at times.  And that’s OK.  Don’t attack them for it.  It’s not evidence of some fundamental flaw on your part.  It doesn’t make you unlovable or unworthy.  It just means that some people aren’t very good at looking beyond their own egocentric bubble.  But the fact that you are – that despite the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others – is an incredible strength.  (Read The Mastery of Love.)

10.  “I’m just too busy right now for family and friends.”

Neglect based on lack of attention often damages relationships far more than malicious abuse.

Although it’s perhaps conceivable that you may lie on your deathbed someday regretting that you didn’t work harder and check every little thing off your to-do list, it’s doubtful that your work will be your biggest concern.  What’s more likely, however, is that you will wish you could have one more romantic night with your spouse, another long, heartfelt talk with your sister, and one last good hard laugh with your best friend.

Life is simply too short to be too busy for the people you love.

11.  “What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”

It’s NOT OK to stretch the truth.  Ever!  It really isn’t!  Doing so only leads to stress in the long run.

In fact, it’s disheartening to think how many people are shocked by honesty, and how few by deceit.  Don’t be one of them.  Uphold the truth, always.  Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often, and you should be the one shocking them with honest words and deeds every day.

The bottom line here is that an honest, loving heart is the beginning of everything that is right with this world.  It’s what brings us together and keeps us together through thick and thin.

12.  “I’m better than them (and everyone else for that matter).”

And finally, through it all, you have to keep your pride in check…

To admit you made a mistake.  To say you are sorry.  To know that you can’t possibly know it all.  To have big dreams. To admit you owe your success to others too.  To poke fun at yourself from time to time.  To ask for help when you need it.

To make mistakes and fail.  And to try again, willingly.

There are no permanent jobs or absolutes on this planet.  We are all just interning and exploring here.  Learn from everyone, remain humble, and don’t forget to have a good time along the way.

That’s what happy, successful people do.

Your turn…

If you can see any of these toxic attitudes in yourself, remember, you are not alone.  We all have negativity buried deep within us that has the potential to sneak up on us sometimes.  The key, of course, is awareness – recognizing these toxic attitudes when they arise and stopping them in their tracks.

So, what toxic attitudes do you sometimes struggle with?  How have these attitudes affected your personal and professional contentment?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights with us.

 

Your life is a learning process – you can only become wiser from learning. Sometimes you might have to attract making a painful mistake to learn something important, but after the mistake you have far greater wisdom. Wisdom cannot be bought with money – it can only be acquired through living life. With wisdom comes: strength, courage, knowing, and an ever-increasing peace. May the joy be with you, Rhonda Byrne

Success doesn’t come to you – you go to it. — Marva Collins

Gray Lawrence

 

He who loses wealth loses much; he who loses a friend loses more; but he that loses his courage loses all. – Miguel de Cervantes

6 Things Life is TOO Short to Worry About

6 Things Life is TOO Short to Worry About

 

The Abundance Project

Life is too short to being worrying about things that don’t help us be happy and abundance!  With a little brain tweaking, lets drop these common worries and start focusing on things that REALLY MATTER.

So here are 6 things that we need to stop worrying about to have a better life.

Being Miserable at work.

Don’t work a job that you hate.  There are too many options, and you are too important to be unhappy 40 hours a week!  Why don’t you leave that job for someone who actually wants it.  You’ll be doing yourself a favour.  Or do it for the person that will be happy in that job, if you aren’t high enough on own your priority list.

Putting yourself down.

Each time you step in front of the mirror I want you to remember that “this is an opportunity to see what’s good about me”.  In any mirror you are able to see the good.  Life is too hard to be putting yourself down.  So every time you step in front of the mirror know that this is an opportunity to compliment, uplift, and truly appreciate what you have going for you!

Valuing Others Opinions, over your own.

Lets say you have a project at work that you care a lot about, would you let someone come in and tell you what to do about a project , they know nothing about?! No you wouldn’t.  Don’t compromise all the work you’ve done on yourself by over valuing others opinions and undervaluing your own.  Trust yourself.  You know what is best for you.

Criticizing others

Lets just create a nicer environment for everyone, if you want to stop criticizing yourself, you must stop criticizing others first!

Comparing yourself to others.

No amount of wishing and hoping that you looked or had what others do, will make it happen.   But learning to be happy anywhere, can help us be happy everywhere.  if you can learn to be happy with who you are and what you have, this will translate into the rest of your life.

No more Excuses.

Don’t be too lazy to change your life.  To carry an excuse, first you have to come up with it, then tell yourself more times than you can count so you start believing it, and then after that you have to convince others.  Look at all that work.  Save all that time and energy for the things that really matter!

Gray Lawrence

The world Owes You Everything and nothing but your goal’s are your own decision Believe in your self – Gray Lawrence

Winning in life is more than just money; it is about winning on the inside and knowing that you have played the game of life with all you had, and then some!

Knowing How To Analyse An Opportunity BEFORE Spending any money

 

To be successful network marketing – knowing how to analyse an opportunity BEFORE spending a dime will save you years of struggle, frustration and starting from scratch over and over again.  On the other hand, if you have already signed on the dotted line with a company and are struggling to create that income from home as an online network marketer, I strongly suggest and recommend that you find a mentor with a servant’s heart to help you look at the opportunity you are currently in to see where there can be some improvements made. Usually it is just a matter of learning some skills, a network marketing education if you will.

How many times have you started a network marketing company, only to find frustration with the duplicable system, the up line support is next to zero or non existent and the compensation plan just does not add up as you were shown in the presentation?

How many times have you been burned? That’s right. You thought you saw the light at the end of the tunnel; had an organization of twenty, thirty or even hundreds in your down line when…BAM! Something turned it off. You found yourself holding the bag. Sound familiar? Perhaps you were terminated without cause, the company went out of business or changed it’s business model from MLM to direct sales.  Heaven forbid the company may  decided that it does not need  sales reps at all of any kind, direct or MLM distributors.  What happens then?

My hope would be that you would determine just how much of a risk the company you are thinking of joining will be before you join.  But if you find that you skipped that step and are in a company now,  there is still a way to determine how much you are risking by  using the 5 Pillars technology. Once you read the book Success in10 Steps written by Michael Dlouhy you will, when finished the free training course,  have an equivalent of a University degree in Network Marketing.

You will learn:

  • How to avoid scams that are masked as legitimate MLM Companies and turn out to be pyramid schemes

  • What is the best compensation plan?

  • What is the best system for duplication?

  • What is the best MLM company for YOU?

  • What to say and when to say it.

Just imagine how you would feel if you were NEVER scammed again, could finally create a residual walk away  income of 10K a month or even more and could finally say I have found a company that I can call HOME.

Just what is your desired income, perhaps an extra £1000 a month is good enough for you?  Will your Policies and Procedures as well as your compensation plan allow you to retire and/or will your business to your heirs.

The Policies and Procedures will in most cases indicate that you can retire or leave your residual income to your heirs; succession. But, have you read them close enough to know that there may be qualifications that MUST be met by your heirs, or even qualifications that may prevent you from ever retiring.  Oh you can retire whenever you wish, but in most contracts in MLM if you decide to retire and do not caring on with your training responsibilities and your team building responsibilities; you will no longer be eligible to receive YOUR residual income that YOU created.  Making it impossible for you to retire and take a vacation when you want if you still want to receive that residual income that you worked so hard for.  This income, if you choose to walk away from a contract written like this will now roll right back to the company. OUCH!!

Read your PnPs for your self.  Look for words such as “on-going” training, responsibilities, succession. What do your heirs have to do to qualify to receive what you have willed to them in your last will and testament?  How will your heirs feel when they realize that in order for them to receive what you have willed to them, they MUST sign up as a distributor and perform all the same duties that you do now?… Recruiting, selling, pitching your deal, training your down line.

You can  put any company to the 5Pillars test.  Using the 5 qualifications listed in the 5 Pillars qualifying technology that will allow you to determine what your chances of success and or failure will be with any company.  You can find out what the 5 Pillars technology is by contacting us and we would be honoured to explain this important tool for evaluating a business opportunity.

What would have happened if you had the ability to properly analyse an opportunity before you decide to spend a dime? If that sounds like what you want, then give us a call and we would be honoured to share with you what we have learned over the past few years.

“You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him discover it within himself.” — Galileo

 

Your Vision of the future, lies from within

Gray Lawrence The greatest freedom is to be responsible. –Lazaris

Be Inspired by Andrea Waltz

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“Always give more than you hope to receive, whether in business or in your personal life.” – Dave Taylor

 

 

Be Inspired to Succeed by Failing

“The Earth’s most precious natural resource is truly a rare find. As it changes by the second it is that of our time.”

– Shonika Proctor

Andrea WaltzIf I could share 500 words to inspire, this is the important wisdom I’d want to pass along to others…

I believe everything we need to succeed is inside us as children, but it gets slowly pushed out of us as we grow older. By the time we’re teenagers we’ve forgotten these lessons or been forced to bury them. And if you are like me, deep inside you don’t feel any different than you did at age ten or twelve, well, except that you likely don’t play baseball anymore and you probably haven’t done a somersault in years. (I am not suggesting you start.)

What I am saying is that you get back a few of those great qualities you had as a kid that kept your mind open to possibility and made life fun, interesting, and full of hope. Here’s how:

Learn to enjoy failure. Everything you did as a kid requires trying and failing. Climbing a tree, riding a bike or tying your shoes all forced you to fumble and fail. But you did not care. Mistakes were just part of the process. You had no embarrassment or shame – only a desire to go faster to learn and master all of the exciting things that were ahead of you. Ridding yourself from fear of failure means you let go of what other people think about you. The obsession with perfection, fearing mistakes and failure ruins opportunities and destroys your potential. Oh and another thing, failures teach you valuable lessons just like they did when you were young. Ever burn your hand on a hot stove? Check, I did.

Start asking. We asked questions all the time because we were curious. As adults we have let go of that great skill. Instead, we assume what people are thinking, what they will do and how they will answer our question. We assume they won’t buy, they won’t help, or that they are not interested. Now that may be true, but how do you know for sure? Rejection is all around. But avoiding rejection from others means you reject yourself first! Give other people the opportunity to say no and don’t make assumptions.

Don’t take no for an answer. Okay, I am not suggesting you become a spoiled brat. But we need to remember the tenacity we had as kids. One ‘no’ from someone was the opening of the conversation. It was the starting place to getting to where we wanted to go. We got creative and bargained, learning how to persuade and convince – even if it was just for money to buy a candy bar. It was a great skill! So don’t take that ‘no’ so easily and remember that it is often the beginning of a relationship and often ends in a yes if we are patient and positively persistent.

The hope and possibility you had as a kid can be found but you need to tap back into these traits to do it. They are the things that will remind you of the person that you were and then get to you to become the person you were always meant to be and live the life that you dreamed about.

Andrea Waltz is passionate about helping people overcome the fear of the word NO and feelings of failure and rejection that go along with it. Along with her husband and business partner Richard Fenton, she has made her mission to liberate people from fears of failure and rejection, sharing an entire new mindset about hearing the word NO.

For more information, please visit goforno.com.

Failure seems to be nature’s plan for preparing us for great responsibilities.
If everything we attempted in life was achieved with a minimum of effort and came out exactly as planned, how little we would learn — and how boring life would be! And how arrogant we would become if we succeeded at everything we attempted. Failure allows us to develop the essential quality of humility. It is not easy — when you are the person experiencing failure — to accept it philosophically, serene in the knowledge that this is one of life’s great learning experiences. But it is. Nature’s ways are not always easily understood, but they are repetitive and therefore predictable. You can be absolutely certain that when you feel you are being most unfairly tested, you are being prepared for great achievement. – Napoleon Hill

I was never afraid of failure, for I would sooner fail than not be among the best. John Keats

Gray Lawrence Independent Distributor Utility Warehouse

Choose to be optimistic, it feels better." – Dalai Lama

Supporting local Charities that survive on donations not the government

Change in a country begins with one person. Each country reflects the inner peace or turmoil of its mass population, and so as one person changes they affect the rest of the population. One person has the power within them to bring massive change to their country through immense love and peace within themselves. But we cannot bring about peace and well-being to our country unless we have conquered that in our own life. Do you see? You cannot give what you do not have.

Each person’s job is to bring utter harmony into their own life, and then they will become the greatest human gift for their country and the world.  

May the joy be with you,  The Law of Attraction
Rhonda Byrne

 

I put my heart out to those who work for nothing in aid of helping those in need.  One such business I am now hoping to help is one of 43 and they are the MS (multiple sclerosis ) centers of the uk.   I found out about them via a lady who put a message out on what was called  “Street Life” a local community site now called “Next door” from the USA. For advice or contacts from those who join seeking some support or a business one has used and willing to let others know.  I went to support a musical event to help raise money by donations or by offerings, leaving financial support when they pass on to those in need.  This gives one personal fulfilment with a positive attitude for life and helping others less fortunate with the power to change someones life. The contacts, if you feel you can help are:

http://www.lincsms.ukhot.com/information-thecentre.html    (do visit this site for more about the team & MS)

www.lincsms.ukhot.com/contact.html    

Centre Manager: Mrs Maureen Patten Centre Address: 50 Outer Circle Drive, St Giles, LINCOLN , LN2 4JH . Electronic mail address: lincsms@aol.com
The majority of good people work for nothing offering support for those in need even some staff are sufferers of MS and are proud to help those worse of.  It is a great place and needs support, I have made contact with those in charge of the the famous “RED NOSE DAY EVENTS”   asking for support of the more local businesses in need of help, as the government do not feel they should  help!  they mainly support those in need over seas.  I admit that is as important but looking  after our own is just as important.  Thank you for reading this message sent form the heart as Gratitude makes a person!  Gray
The fastest way to get unstuck is to go do something for someone else.  – Gale Lynne Goodwin

“What I find amazing is that when you go out of your way to give to another person, you will also receive great things in your life. This is what is called the Law of Giving and Receiving. You may not receive from the people you are helping, but  you will receive good things from other people and in other ways.” Sonia Ricotti

Angels of life and love

 Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. Ralph Waldo Emerson                                                 Gray   Lawrence                                                                                                                                                              Independent Distributor – Utility   Warehouse      Small to medium enterprises:                                            Opportunities are never lost. . . . They are found by someone else!” – Mike Mc Donald

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Gray Lawrence

grayjl63@gmail.com

Skype: graynat71

Ph: +44 1522 691508
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