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The Power of Negative Thinking Oprah Winfrey

 

PMA ADDED!

Think healthy; happy thoughts. Imagine yourself as healthy. Decide that your good health is your birth right and that you deserve to be healthy. Above all, be gentle on yourself. Accept and love yourself where you are right now. – Andrew Matthews

If you are serious about changing your life, Get serious about changing what surrounds you. – Andrew Matthews

 

By Tim Jarvis
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the March 2009 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

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Illustration: Jorge Columbo

Cheer up. Be happy. Find the silver lining. Smile.
If you didn’t know any better, you might say we’re a country that preaches optimism. But some 30 to 35 percent of Americans employ a calculated form of negative thinking—called defensive pessimism—that can lead to very positive results, according to Julie K. Norem, PhD, a professor of psychology at Wellesley College.


We’re not talking about a general disposition to see the glass half-empty: "Defensive pessimism is a strategy used in specific situations to manage anxiety, fear, and worry," says Norem, who has conducted seminal research on the subject. "Defensive pessimists," she says, "prepare for a situation by setting low expectations for themselves, then follow up with a very detailed assessment of everything that may go wrong." Once they’ve imagined the full range of bad outcomes, they start figuring out how they’ll handle them, and that gives them a sense of control.

"What’s intriguing about defensive pessimists," adds Lawrence Sanna, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, who has also studied the phenomenon, "is that they tend to be very successful people, and so their low opinion of the outcome isn’t realistic; they use it to motivate themselves to perform better." For example, an executive is getting ready to pitch a project, and she thinks beforehand, "The client is going to be really difficult; he’s not going to like my proposal. I have to make sure I explain things very clearly." "She uses defensive pessimism as a tool to work through all the possibilities so she’s prepared for everything, even failure," Sanna says. "And if she does fail, she’s ready for it, so it’s not so catastrophic."

If all this sounds familiar (

take the quiz to see if you use defensive pessimism), a piece of advice from the experts may give you a lift: Don’t listen to appeals from friends or family to look on the bright side. "Research shows that if you pressure defensive pessimists into being optimistic, or try to manipulate their mood, their performance deteriorates," says Andrew J. Elliot, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. One of the most frequent comments Norem got after publishing The Positive Power of Negative Thinking in 2001 was "Thank you. I can finally tell my mother to shut up."

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. EEleanor Roosevelt

Gray Lawrence

Independent Distributor (UW)

"Life is the sum of all your choices" Albert Camus

Natural Selling lesson Four

The game of business is very much like the game of tennis. Those who fail to master the basics of serving well, usually lose. — Unknown

There is only one boss–the Customer. And he can fire anybody in the company from the chairman on down, simply by spending his money somewhere else. — Sam Walton

 

Silouette door sales

This lesson, we’re going to talk more about how to approach potential partners and customers using the magic and power of dialogue…a way of connecting with people at a deeper level than can be achieved just by telling or through conversation.

It’s based on 3 more principles of the Natural Selling Approach that we will cover in a moment.

We learned in the previous lesson that the Natural Selling Approach is a Problem Solving Exercise.

To do this you simply find out if people have the sort of problems that you can help them solve by:

1. Asking simple questions

2. Listening

3. Feeding back and responding to the answers to constantly make sure both of you are on the same track.

Doing this while suspending your agenda is the magic behind and power of dialogue. When you suspend your agenda, you allow others to openly reveal theirs without yours getting in the way.

Let’s look at this in the form of a principle… the 2nd one of four.

Principle 2. Asking the Right types of Questions at the Right Time

As you have seen, the conventional way of telling people about you, your company or your products, usually will result in rejection and objections.

It’s the Law of Giving and the Cause and Effect working against you!

So how to turn this around?

The key is not to tell, present, convince, persuade, manipulate or pressure someone to buy something or take action. It’s about asking questions and listening and effectively responding and allowing your potential partners and customers to convince themselves to change

Now, we’re not talking about manipulative or leading questions that are designed to get the answers you want to hear. If you use these questions whose answers are you likely to hear? Your own!

Whose answers and truth do you really want? Theirs!

While manipulative questions can be very powerful there are drawbacks to using them:

* People know when they are being manipulated and don’t like it

* Using them is uncomfortable for most Network Marketers and

Direct Sales People who tend to resist using them and end up

doing nothing.

* They are not effective for long term results.

While it’s possible to temporarily motivate people to do something, there is a very interesting phenomenon that takes place. After a short while they stop being motivated and stop doing what they agreed to do.

This behaviour is called passive aggression or buyer’s remorse.

You can see the effect of this when customers stop buying from you, or people drop out from your organization. This is usually because they came on board for your reasons, not theirs. This is the number one cause of the high customer and team attrition rate.

The Natural Selling Approach dramatically changes this.

The questions you use are intended to help the other person uncover and talk about the difference between what they have and what they would like based on their own inner and external values, without you having to guess or make a judgment.

After all, who has the history of what is, and has been, going on in their life, and what they want and why they want it? They do!

Small daily improvements are the key to staggering long term resultsYour potential partner or customers and you each bring a key thing to the Approach. On the one hand, they have their history and know what they want… they have the answers. You, on the other hand, know the potential of your products or income opportunity, and whether it can work for them based on the answers they give you. When you get a match, which will happen most of the time, you’ll then be able to explain your solution to them so that it all makes sense. So all you need are the right types of questions!

You also need to know when to ask them.

The Natural Selling Approach uses a "Dialogue/Conversation Framework" that explains what the types of questions are and when to use them to help you and the person you are talking with see clearly:

1. Whether they have the type of problems that your solution can help them solve

2. If they do, the depth of those problems.

3. Whether there is enough desire for them to want to do something.

Questions help people open their minds. Questions involve people. They allow people to think about their present situation, themselves and their problems.

Helping People Inspire Themselves to Change

The Natural Selling Approach is not about you persuading them, it’s about allowing people to persuade themselves as they come to see what is right for them.

While bias-free communication takes on going effort, it will help you build a This is how it works.foundation of trust with your listeners.                              — Leslie C. Aguilar

This is how it works.

As people respond to your questions they also listen to themselves. They;

1. Internalize what they say

2. Feel the discomfort of their present circumstances (and if things are not working as well as they would like) 3. Decide to make a change.

Their answers help them think about their problems and to own the idea that they want to change if their problems and internal motivation is great enough.

It gives meaning to the saying "When I say it, they can doubt me.

When they say it, it’s true."

The degree a person will change depends on two things;

1. The degree of discomfort they feel in the present moment as they talk about their present circumstances, and their;

2. Degree of their desire to move toward their dream

If you get out of your own way and listen to them, and are not hasty to come up with your solutions too quickly, they will listen to you.

Asking questions eliminates the need for you to present and learn closing and objection handling techniques. Because who eliminates all the objections in the Dialogue? They do, because they are the ones talking and revealing how they feel about their problems and internally motivating themselves to make a change.

The "Sale is Made" in the Discovering!

Learning how to ask the "Right Types of Questions at the Right Time" will prepare a person to be receptive to your solutions.

Before you speak THINKEssentially, they "sell themselves" on the idea of wanting to change and when you offer the idea of a potential solution, they are receptive to it.

The "sale" then is actually made during the uncovering and revealing a person’s needs, where they talk and listen to themselves into changing.

It’s when you have asked enough questions, responded appropriately to their answers, discovered there is a need to make a change and that the other person is open to changing, that you propose you might know of a solution that might help them.

The Natural Selling Approach can take two minutes or it can two years! It really depends on the other person and where they are in their lives.

One thing is guaranteed. If you don’t rush them and put your Personal Agenda on the shelf and let it guide you not manipulate you, if there is a sale to be made, you will make it every time.

Next we will take a close look at the other most powerful communication tool available to you – Listening.

The Secret

There is a difference between feeling gratitude and appreciation for something, and feeling attachment to something. Appreciation and gratitude are states of pure love, while attachment contains fear – fear of losing or not having what you are attached to. When it comes to something you want in your life, appreciation and gratitude attracts, and attachment pushes away. If you are feeling afraid that you will not get what you want, or losing what you have, then you have attachment.  To remove the attachment, keep shifting yourself into a state of appreciation and gratitude, until you can feel that the fear has gone. May the joy be with you, Rhonda Byrne

Exercises:

1. Have you ever experienced "Buyers Remorse"? Think about the situation and what happened. Did you ever do business with that person or organization again?

2. Start a Dialogue with a stranger or someone you know by asking them a question and continue asking them questions. Remove your Personal Agenda.

Just listen and ask questions based on the answers you get to your previous questions, or on something that comes to your mind.

Don’t talk about you or your ideas, or make comments. Just gently focus on asking questions. If you’re asked a question, briefly answer it and follow your answer with a question of your own.

See how "deep" you go exploring a particular issue. Observe your own feelings and how the other person is feeling.

Your thoughts ceate your future

To thine own self be true; to your success…

"Energy is the essence of life. Every day you decide how you’re going to use it by knowing what you want and what it takes to reach that goal, and by maintaining focus." Oprah Winfrey

The Power is from within, the choice is yours
Gray Lawrence
Successful Networker


"Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start." Nido Qubein

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Contact Information
Gray Lawrence

grayjl63@gmail.com

Skype: graynat71

Ph: +44 1522 691508
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