"My idea of good company is the company of clever, well-informed people who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company." Jane Austen
“The Power of Listening is available to us all, only those who listen will gain great benefits in life, love personal & financial wealth . The decision is yours” Gray Lawrence
The Power of Listening
Listening – The Most Important Skill You Can Learn
Principle 3. Listening to What is Being Meant, Not Just What is Being Said.
Ask yourself. Do you really listen to people? Do you really listen to and actually attempt to understand what they are saying and meaning without letting your own interpretations get in the way?
This is how most people listen. 45% of the time is spent doing what?
Working out what they’re going to say next!
Another 45% of the time is spent waiting for a gap in the conversation so that they can say it!!! Leaving only 10% of the time for actual listening!
So are we listening when we spend only 10 % of the time doing it? No we’re not!
So what percentage of time must we listen? 100%!
To actually listen to, hear and understand what another person is saying, we must spend 100% of the time listening.
Now, you might ask, how do you listen 100% of the time without thinking?
Well, here are a few clues.
First, you can think 10 times faster than most people can talk.
If you know how the features of your solutions solve problems, you’ll hear what specific features are relevant and how to talk about them later as specific advantages and benefits.
It takes the guessing out of what to present and how to present it.
Imagine having all your features in lots of automatic drawers in your mind… just like your CD drawer in your computer… and having the correct ones automatically pop out based on what you hear a person wants.
Secondly, you don’t have to think about what you’re going to ask next, because;
1. You will know what questions to ask and when to ask them by learning from a powerful framework that is available to you in the Natural Selling Approach
2. What you’re going to ask is also found in the answers you get to your previous questions! It’s all there! It’s just that you have to listen to the answers to get the information
3. Stop re-interpreting what people say to you based on your own biases or life’s experiences, or your own judgments, prejudices and thoughts! All this does is get in your way of understanding. People don’t think what you think they think!
You’re thinking that they do can get in your way!
For example, have you ever had someone respond to a remark you made and it was totally out of context with what you meant, and you wondered where he or she was coming from? Well, it’s likely that the other person was interpreting what they thought you were talking about. Do you do the same thing to others?
If you don’t listen and are impatiently waiting to say what you want to say you’ll miss vital clues to help your potential partner or customer come to a logical conclusion to change.
Result? You’ll miss the mark and will meet resistance most of the time!
"Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again." Og Mandino
Let’s look at this more closely. What do you normally listen for when people reply to your questions? Do you listen to what you want to hear with the intent to reply based on what you want to say? Or do you listen with the intent to understand where the other person is coming from and reply to them based on their own deep inner truth?
People Have Two Truths
For example, if you ask a person whether they like their job, or whether they like the skin care products they are presently taking, would you hope they would say no? In the Natural Selling Approach, it doesn’t matter what they answer, because people carry "Two truths". The Natural Selling Approach allows people to reveal both sides of their truths, and reveal which is the stronger.
Here is an illustration. If you ask someone if they like where they live they could reply Yes or No. If they said, "Yes", and you asked later, "If you could live anywhere else, where would that be?" and they gave another location, you will have discovered there is another truth to explore. One of those two "Truths" will ultimately reveal itself as stronger than the other.
If they replied "No" to the first question and were subsequently asked the same question about living somewhere else, again the real truth gets revealed.
Listening is such a powerful skill. If you learn how to listen to people you’ll find that they will immediately be attracted to you and most will want to listen to you. A large part of my book is spent demonstrating how you can do this.
You may find it useful to take a short test of your listening skills that I have devised. Click below. You might be surprised at the results!
Now you’ve covered some of the basics behind the importance of listening, let’s turn your attention to what you’re listening for. We’ll recap the
Listening to What is Being Meant, not Just What is Being Said.
The two key words here are, said and meant.
Said is the logical or factual side of the problem solving equation. It comprises about 10% of the problem. Meant is the personal, feelings or subjective side… and it comprises the other 90%.
In The Natural Selling Approach what is important is to focus more on what is being meant. Why? Well, do people make changes based mostly on logic or feelings? Feelings! So that is the level you have most of your dialogues.
To illustrate this, think of someone saying they don’t have enough money.
Is that a fact or a feeling? It’s a fact! They might say it with feeling, but it’s still a fact.
So if you were to ask someone, "What one thing would make a difference in your life?", which is a logical question, and they said, "More money", which is a logical answer… and you then responded with your solution by saying, "I can show you how to do that"… you would be talking at a logical and factual level. And what response do you think you would get from most people?
Negative or positive? Mostly they will reject your idea.
The reason is that talking logically with people won’t help you very much to help them because you’re only addressing 10% of their problem if they have one!
If you want to be of help, find out what is underneath this problem called "lack of money". In other words, find out what is causing it, what it means to them personally and how they feel about it. Find out the meaning of what they say, not just what they are saying. You will find their answers are totally unique to them, and if you respond to their uniqueness as opposed to coming out with a canned presentation or script, you will automatically attract them to you.
"Facts belong to the world. Feelings belong to the individual".
If you ask without manipulation, most people will tell you.
It’s also where the relationship and the sale is. To be more precise, it’s where both of you can discover if there is a need and the depth of desire to do something about it.
So understanding how to listen and what to listen for and how to respond is vital in the Natural Selling Approach.
And when you understand what someone wants and why they want it…. you will be able to customize your solution and present it in such a precise way that it will mean something to the other person based on how they see things. Why will you be able to do this? Because they will have told you everything you need to know to make your winning presentation.
What are todays thoughts? think about what has been covered today before the next lesson.
Feeding Back What You Think You Heard!
Continue yesterdays exercise. Each time you have a conversation with someone today, turn it into a Dialogue. Focus simply on LISTENING to them!
As far as possible, don’t say anything yourself except to ask questions and keep the Dialogue moving along.
When in Dialogue, observe yourself and be aware of how often you have the urge to interrupt or finish the other person’s sentences for them! Ask yourself whether you’re really serving yourself (or the other person) by doing this!
Your success is your decision: these lessons are a guide, the rest is up to you….
If you can’t manage your own mental attitude, what makes you think you can manage others?
Why is it that often those who believe they would be the best managers of others – if they were only given the opportunity – haven’t learned to manage themselves properly? Before you can ever have any hope of managing others effectively, you must first learn to set an example for others to follow. It is simply impossible for you to inspire others to high levels of achievement if you cannot inspire yourself to do the same. Don’t make the mistake that many others make by saying, “When they make me a manager, I’ll show them I can manage.” The first move is yours. You must first prove yourself worthy. Napoleon Hill
Gray Lawrence Successful Networker Opportunities are never lost. . . . They are found by someone else!” – Mike Mc Donald